But hey, you guys know me by now.
I err, disappear for a while, and then suddenly WHAM! A mass of posts at once 🙂
This is my favourite silk shirt. I love the colour. It works well casual or formal.
I make people uncomfortable.
I don’t know why or how I do it.
I just do.
I’m a woman.
I also have a big Afro.
Did I mention I was African too?
A female, brown skinned, Muslim, afro sporting, Arab-African.
I just put so many different kinds of people on edge …it would be funny if it wasn’t a little tragic.
Why do people feel so affronted by what or who I am?
I find myself constantly explaining myself:
I am Kenyan. Yes. But I am Kenyan Arab. Yes, I am Arab by ethnicity. Originally my family were from the middle east.
I am not poor.
Even though I am African.
I am not oppressed. Even though I am a Muslim woman wearing Hijab.
I am not married. And I do not have 10 kids. *Grits teeth* Even though I am a Muslim woman wearing Hijab.
I will not straighten my hair. It grows out of my head this way.
Yes, I know I speak good English.
Yes, we have Muslims in Kenya.
Yes, *groan* my parents paid lots of money for my university education. Sorry to disappoint you I’m not poor. Even though I am African.
I spend my day deflecting these kind of questions.
Sometimes, I feel, wouldn’t it be easy, to try out being white and blonde for one day?
Just so that I can be the current post card version of what the world seems to deem ‘ideal’.
And then I remember its kind of fun being me.
It just so happens that I am many labels all at once.
And people have a field day trying to choose which label to ascribe to me each day.
Am I Muslim?
Or am I Muslim and Black?
Or am I Muslim and Arab?
Or am I an Educated Muslim Woman?
Or maybe today I am a poor African?
Maybe I should use that to my advantage 😉
I never knew how difficult it was for muslim men to actually find a wife.
Until my cousin started looking 😉
Its not that simple.
When we are on the other side (the girl side) we sit there, hands folded, saying: ‘Where are all the good muslim men at??’
Unbeknownst to us, the men are doing the same thing!
They are complaining to their mothers and sisters and aunties, that it is difficult to find a good muslim girl to marry. Really.
This whole new modern age has thrown us for a loop.
Long gone is the age of aunties and grandmas recommending beautiful girls, and successful boys and making perfect matches.
Nowadays, people travel to study all across the globe. Girls are working in America, London, Australia. Equally perfectly eligible boys are trapped in an office in Dubai, Boston, Dallas.
We have lost the old fashioned ways of traditional arranged marriages.
So what replaces it?
That is the big question.
Do we date?
Do we meet guys on Facebook?
Do we join online Muslim dating sites and put up our ‘Bio Data?’ (said with the perfunctory Indian head nod. Lol)
Do we ask our sisters and aunties to look around for us and recommend someone appropriate?
And then what happens when you DO get a recommendation? What then??????
What are the rules of engagement?
Does he come and propose straight away?
Or can we chat for a bit on Skype and whatsapp?
Should I tell my mum immediately someone is interested in marrying me? What happens if it doesn’t work out?
Complicated I tell you.
Having been through the system myself….I can tell you. Its complicated.
I can only say:
Be open. Be honest. Pray to Allah.
Do not underestimate the power of prayer.
Allah wants us to pray to him.
Ask him, and he will answer.
My aunty told me a story of a guy who used to pray to Allah for a wife. He initially started by saying Allah, please let her be the one who is Kheir (good) for me. But also, he added a list of specifications. Green eyes, long hair, nice in character, religious..etc etc. He had an incredibly detailed list of specifics. However which each specification, he kept praying that above all, and most important may she be kheir for him.
When his family recommended a girl for him, and he met and married her, he was amazed. It was as though a girl was actually made to his exact specifications especially for him. She had all the features he had asked for and more. And Allah put between them a great love.
Do not underestimate the power of prayer.
Pray to Allah.
Also ask him to bring you closer to the person who is good for you. Kheir for you.
And secondly, be open minded.
He isn’t tall and muscular? Don’t dismiss him off the bat. Be open to considering him. Maybe he has other features you will love?
He doesn’t have the best job in the world (you wanted a Neurosurgeon like McDreamy in Greys)…well, just give him a chance. Maybe once you two are together, Allah will open doors you did not expect,and he will end up being richer and more respected than a Neurosurgeon.
Sometimes, I wish I could start a real system connecting people.
I know so many gorgeous, perfectly lovely men wanting to get married.
And so many gorgeous, perfectly lovely girls also wanting to settle down.
Now all I need to do is dust of my matchmaking skills and get to work ;p
I am accepting applications. Lol.
Also, I am still waiting for my Prince Charming, with hazel eyes and a 6 pack …;) But OVERALL, may he be kheir for me 😉 hehe.