Change

I have had a lot of change lately.

Some good.

Some bad.

Mostly good.

Sometimes, when you are in a rut, and you are really really sad, you just need to get up and change things.

It’s harder done than said. I know.

Trust me. I know.

I was in a really dark place a couple of months back.

I was really, really depressed.

I was recently reading some of the poetry I wrote at that time. And wow. It’s some scary stuff.

If and when I publish it here, I worry you guys might think that’s what I’m going through now…(I assume you care – :P)

I’m not.

I’m fine. Now. Alhamdulillah.

And the journey I have been through, makes this moment right here, right now, that much more precious.

I’m so scared of going back there.

But I know, that sometimes, depression just sneaks up on you.

*Shrug*

I might go back to that dark place. I might not.

But I shan’t let the fear of that stop me from living my happiness now ๐Ÿ™‚

Alhamdulillah I am home.

I’m in Kenya.

I’m in a new, beautiful relationship.

And I am happy.

Happier that I can remember myself being.

In a long, long while.

I laugh.

I smile.

I giggle.

I play.

I am …almost myself again.

So, any of you who are going through that horrible dark cloud of gloom and dooooom …

there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

I made it.

So can you.

Pick yourself up right now.

Go to the doctors.

Go speak to a friend.

Go find a counsellor.

Google CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) There are LOTS of cool self-help stuff you can do online.

Get OUT OF YOUR RUT.

If something is causing you unhappiness? Well, change it!

Force yourself to speak to someone. Really. Really.

Really.

When you find yourself on the floor, sobbing, with your desire to live leaching out of your eyes, just….

…call somebody.

Please?

You need a hug.

I love y’all

Thanks for reading.

xo

Loss

Is it me?

It must be.

For he always walks away

Especially after I’ve pushed him far

Far away.

Walking away

 

You don’t understand

This pain

Its a drug I can’t explain.

Dance

Doomed to dance the same routine

Like a marionette in an empty theatre

Trapped

Ghostly applause

Echoing

At my bleeding feet

How To Sell Yourself

Bangladeshi wedding at Dhaka

Have you ever thought how much you are worth?

If you had to lay out your best attributes and features one by one.

How much do you think you would be worth?

Not monetary wise – but your worth.

Your value.

Would you be a catch?

If so, what makes you think you ARE a catch?

Are you:

Educated?

Beautiful?

Slim?

Polite?

Humble?

Giving?

Adventurous?

Religious?

Family oriented?

What positive attributes do you think garner more value?

Hmm.

I was thinking about the past.

And how a certain ex, could have been considered by many as a very appealing or, if you will,ย worthyย package.

However, it meant naught to me.

It was like having a massive, juicy burger in your hands.

Yet, you are craving a pizza.

No matter how nice that burger is. You just don’t feel like it.

You want a pizza!

But one persons pizza….is another persons burger.

LOL!

I am beginning to talk in circles and metaphors – eek!

Hehe.

My point is… (yes, there was a point after all. Honest! ;-))…. we all have somebody out there for us.

Because our exact packaging, though not so weighty to some – may be incredibly valuable to others.

So ‘Excellent cook, listener, calm and quiet ‘ could be exactly what someone is looking for.

Whilst ‘ Noisy, adventurous, humorous and loves to travel’ could be somebody else’s dream husband.

Don’t sell yourself short.

You are worthy.

It’s all about a good sales pitch! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sad Posts

I hate it when my poetry goes all dark.

I’m not sad.

Not really.

I have yellow daffodils.

And a miniature pink hippo.

Also, lots of strawberries.

๐Ÿ˜‰

Life is good Alhamdulillah

Uncomfortable

I make people uncomfortable.

I don’t know why or how I do it.

I just do.

See.

I’m brown.

I’m a woman.

I’m educated.

And clever.

I’m Arab.

And Muslim.

I also have a big Afro.

Did I mention I was African too?

A female, brown skinned, Muslim, afro sporting, Arab-African.

I just put so many different kinds of people on edge …it would be funny if it wasn’t a little tragic.

Why do people feel so affronted by what or who I am?

I find myself constantly explaining myself:

I am Kenyan. Yes. But I am Kenyan Arab. Yes, I am Arab by ethnicity. Originally my family were from the middle east.

I am not poor.

Even though I am African.

I am not oppressed. Even though I am a Muslim woman wearing Hijab.

I am not married. And I do not have 10 kids. *Grits teeth* Even though I am a Muslim woman wearing Hijab.

I will not straighten my hair. It grows out of my head this way.

Yes, I know I speak good English.

Yes, we have Muslims in Kenya.

Yes, *groan* my parents paid lots of money for my university education. Sorry to disappoint you I’m not poor. Even though I am African.

I spend my day deflecting these kind of questions.

Sometimes, I feel, wouldn’t it be easy, to try out being white and blonde for one day?

Just so that I can be the current post card version of what the world seems to deem ‘ideal’.

And then I remember its kind of fun being me.

It just so happens that I am many labels all at once.

And people have a field day trying to choose which label to ascribe to me each day.

Am I Muslim?

Or am I Muslim and Black?

Or am I Muslim and Arab?

Or am I an Educated Muslim Woman?

Or maybe today I am a poor African?

Maybe I should use that to my advantage ๐Ÿ˜‰

xx

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.