Change

I have had a lot of change lately.

Some good.

Some bad.

Mostly good.

Sometimes, when you are in a rut, and you are really really sad, you just need to get up and change things.

It’s harder done than said. I know.

Trust me. I know.

I was in a really dark place a couple of months back.

I was really, really depressed.

I was recently reading some of the poetry I wrote at that time. And wow. It’s some scary stuff.

If and when I publish it here, I worry you guys might think that’s what I’m going through now…(I assume you care – :P)

I’m not.

I’m fine. Now. Alhamdulillah.

And the journey I have been through, makes this moment right here, right now, that much more precious.

I’m so scared of going back there.

But I know, that sometimes, depression just sneaks up on you.

*Shrug*

I might go back to that dark place. I might not.

But I shan’t let the fear of that stop me from living my happiness now 🙂

Alhamdulillah I am home.

I’m in Kenya.

I’m in a new, beautiful relationship.

And I am happy.

Happier that I can remember myself being.

In a long, long while.

I laugh.

I smile.

I giggle.

I play.

I am …almost myself again.

So, any of you who are going through that horrible dark cloud of gloom and dooooom …

there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

I made it.

So can you.

Pick yourself up right now.

Go to the doctors.

Go speak to a friend.

Go find a counsellor.

Google CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) There are LOTS of cool self-help stuff you can do online.

Get OUT OF YOUR RUT.

If something is causing you unhappiness? Well, change it!

Force yourself to speak to someone. Really. Really.

Really.

When you find yourself on the floor, sobbing, with your desire to live leaching out of your eyes, just….

…call somebody.

Please?

You need a hug.

I love y’all

Thanks for reading.

xo

Loss

Is it me?

It must be.

For he always walks away

Especially after I’ve pushed him far

Far away.

Walking away

How To Sell Yourself

Bangladeshi wedding at Dhaka

Have you ever thought how much you are worth?

If you had to lay out your best attributes and features one by one.

How much do you think you would be worth?

Not monetary wise – but your worth.

Your value.

Would you be a catch?

If so, what makes you think you ARE a catch?

Are you:

Educated?

Beautiful?

Slim?

Polite?

Humble?

Giving?

Adventurous?

Religious?

Family oriented?

What positive attributes do you think garner more value?

Hmm.

I was thinking about the past.

And how a certain ex, could have been considered by many as a very appealing or, if you will, worthy package.

However, it meant naught to me.

It was like having a massive, juicy burger in your hands.

Yet, you are craving a pizza.

No matter how nice that burger is. You just don’t feel like it.

You want a pizza!

But one persons pizza….is another persons burger.

LOL!

I am beginning to talk in circles and metaphors – eek!

Hehe.

My point is… (yes, there was a point after all. Honest! ;-))…. we all have somebody out there for us.

Because our exact packaging, though not so weighty to some – may be incredibly valuable to others.

So ‘Excellent cook, listener, calm and quiet ‘ could be exactly what someone is looking for.

Whilst ‘ Noisy, adventurous, humorous and loves to travel’ could be somebody else’s dream husband.

Don’t sell yourself short.

You are worthy.

It’s all about a good sales pitch! 😉

Hey Lovelies

Love you all.

Just thought you should know 🙂

xx

How To Ruin Your Life by Road Movies

 

Get stuck. Stay in one place your whole life. Always order vanilla even though the menu is four pages long. Become the type of person who sends back lattes. Save up your money for a plasma TV instead of a plane ticket. Talk a lot about things you know nothing about. Have an affair with someone you don’t even find attractive.

Refuse to forget your ex. Make it impossible for yourself to do anything without remembering that you used to do it with them. Hug your knees under the sheets and think about how safe you felt when they held you at night. Remind yourself daily of how empty you feel. Find new ways to make yourself sad.

Get drunk all the time. Consider no Saturday night, national holiday or extended happy hour complete without a vodka-induced breakdown. Graduate college but keep drinking like you’re still in it. Notice that cheap beer tastes watery and stale when you drink it alone but drink it anyway. Look at old Facebook photos wasted and wonder where everyone went.

Never drink. Never do anything that could potentially be “bad” for you. Treat your body like the temple it is and say no to carbs, yes to wheatgrass, go to bed at ten sharp and turn down cake on your birthday. Take fifteen different dietary supplements. Monitor carefully. Succumb to nothing. Miss out on everything.

Compare yourself constantly, to everyone. Allow the standards of image-obsessed, age-obsessed culture to make you feel decrepit at 25. Scroll through skinny girls on Tumblr feeling wistful and inadequate. Pull at the skin on your hipbones, stomach, and underarms in the mirror. Sigh a lot. Sigh all the time.

Don’t fall in love with anyone or anything. Put an impenetrable wall between yourself and other people. Add a fire-breathing dragon and eight yards of barbed wire. Be suspicious of everyone’s motives. Hold grudges long after you’ve forgotten what for.

Fall in love with everyone and everything. Run after the next best thing like it’s a bus you’re perpetually late for. Throw your heart into every other stranger’s hands and be genuinely surprised to be hurt. Refuse to learn. Refuse to ever learn.

Low Self Esteem and Men Who Don’t Care

Men are intrinsically little boys.

Really they are.

What you heard about them on ‘Maury’ and ‘Oprah’ and all those day time talk shows. Its all true.

Fundamentally, they want to be told what to do, and what not to do.

And they need. NEED. Someone to lay the boundaries for them, and MAKE them stick to it.

Okay not all guys.

That would be generalising.

Which is not what we do here 😉 right?

So SOME guys. ..like to be-little their significant others.

Its a trend.

Its a thing.

A thing I have noticed again and again.

So much so that I had to write about it!

I have had enough of advising my girlfriends on this annoying species of Man (read cockroach) that I felt it necessary to make sure the rest of you aren’t enduring the same kind of cockroach.

Now this kind of cockroach, tends to be an insecure mess.

He doesn’t show it.

Nooooooo.

He is an insecure macho mess.

He portrays a really strong front though.

He acts tough.

And is usually the boss of the relationship.

Nothing wrong with that so far.

Problem is, he has picked a strong woman.

ESPECIALLY since he is insecure and really a weakling at heart. He tends to seek out stronger women.

And then when he HAS said strong woman. He gets terrified he will lose her.

And he gets…

intimidated by her strength.

And overwhelmed by her independence.

And beauty.

And basically realises he is a cockroach that has managed to snag a princess somehow.

And he gets terrified.

TERRIFIED.

Terr- I – fied.

With a capital ‘T’

That he will lose her.

So he begins to break her down.

‘Princess is too good for me.

I know it.

She knows it.

All the other men she works and interacts with know it to.

Its only a matter of time until she leaves me.’

Cockroaches brain spins around and around and around.

‘The only way out is to make sure she doesn’t realise how good she is.

How strong she is.

How hot she is.

That way, that way….

She will never have the confidence to leave me.’

And the sabotage begins.

Cockroach undermines every decision you make.

Calls you  a’pretty little thing’

Makes you feel like you can’t make a single decision in your life, to SAVE your life!

And then starts with breaking down your self esteem.

He starts by casually mentioning that maybe you should hit the gym.

Or on reaching for that second slice of pizza, he gives you a face. The ‘Maybe you shouldn’t do that’ face.

Or maybe, he asks you if your dress is too tight.

If he gets away with the so called ‘subtle’ hints, and sees your self esteem cracking before his eyes…

It escalates.

Now he feels brave enough to call you ‘fat’ to your face.

He may even throw in a few names.

‘Elephant’

Likens you to a popular Tv host.

Maybe calls you a ‘Chunky’

Ah ha! Since that stage of the plan is working, he continues in his resolve to secretly make you an emotional wreck.

‘You are too emotional!’

‘Only a woman would say that kind of nonsense’

Sigh.

Need I go on?

So many friends of mine seem to have boyfriends or husbands like this.

It is not a coincidence.

Its a pandemic.

Its a generation of men, who were bred to believe they wanted a strong woman.

However, they have never learnt how to treat or deal with a strong woman.

So while their heads tell them they want a strong woman, their neathanderal hormones kick in, and tell them that they need to break this woman down, because she is stronger than him.

Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his woman.

It also doesn’t mean he even realises what he is doing.

And I am not saying, by any means, to leave your husbands or boyfriends.

Just to recognise it for what it is.

And stop it in its tracks before it gets worse.

So the next time your boyfriend says you ought to go the gym…

Parry with a ‘Well your paunch is starting to look like it needs some work too’

Or maybe even call him up on it.

If he wants to call you fat. Let him say it to your face.

And  then you can say you feel you are sexy and hot the way you are. And if he doesn’t like it, tough. Because he knew what package deal he was getting when he signed up for the relationship.

DO NOT let him get away with making you feel bad about yourself.

Shoot it down when it starts.

MAKE him see that that kind of crap will not fly.

You will NOT allow it.

You are too confident and strong a woman to LET him get under your skin and make you feel bad about yourself.

Now.

Not tomorrow.

Now.

Tomorrow, he may have escalated to buying your clothes. And telling you you are an an ‘ugly cow’

And that ladies. Is emotional abuse.

Don’t let him.

Muslim Man Seeking Wife

I never knew how difficult it was for muslim men to actually find a wife.

Until my cousin started looking 😉

Its not that simple.

When we are on the other side (the girl side) we sit there, hands folded, saying: ‘Where are all the good muslim men at??’

Unbeknownst to us, the men are doing the same thing!

They are complaining to their mothers and sisters and aunties, that it is difficult to find a good muslim girl to marry. Really.

Trust me.

This whole new modern age has thrown us for a loop.

Long gone is the age of aunties and grandmas recommending beautiful girls, and successful boys and making perfect matches.

Nowadays, people travel to study all across the globe. Girls are working in America, London, Australia. Equally perfectly eligible boys are trapped in an office in Dubai, Boston, Dallas.

We have lost the old fashioned ways of traditional arranged marriages.

So what replaces it?

That is the big question.

Do we date?

Do we meet guys on Facebook?

Do we join online Muslim dating sites and put up our ‘Bio Data?’ (said with the perfunctory Indian head nod. Lol)

Do we ask our sisters and aunties to look around for us and recommend someone appropriate?

And then what happens when you DO get a recommendation? What then??????

What are the rules of engagement?

Does he come and propose straight away?

Or can we chat for a bit on Skype and whatsapp?

Should I tell my mum immediately someone is interested in marrying me? What happens if it doesn’t work out?

Complicated I tell you.

Having been through the system myself….I can tell you. Its complicated.

I can only say:

Be open. Be honest. Pray to Allah.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer.

Allah wants us to pray to him.

Ask him, and he will answer.

My aunty told me a story of a guy who used to pray to Allah for a wife. He initially started by saying Allah, please let her be the one who is Kheir (good) for me. But also, he added a list of specifications. Green eyes, long hair, nice in character, religious..etc etc. He had an incredibly detailed list of specifics. However which each specification, he kept praying that above all, and most important may she be kheir for him.

When his family recommended a girl for him, and he met and married her, he was amazed. It was as though a girl was actually made to his exact specifications especially for him. She had all the features he had asked for and more. And Allah put between them a great love.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer.

Pray to Allah.

Also ask him to bring you closer to the person who is good for you. Kheir for you.

And secondly, be open minded.

He isn’t tall and muscular? Don’t dismiss him off the bat. Be open to considering him. Maybe he has other features you will love?

He doesn’t have the best job in the world (you wanted a Neurosurgeon like McDreamy in Greys)…well, just give him a chance. Maybe once you two are together, Allah will open doors you did not expect,and he will end up being richer and more respected than a Neurosurgeon.

Sometimes, I wish I could start a real system connecting people.

I know so many gorgeous, perfectly lovely men wanting to get married.

And so many gorgeous, perfectly lovely girls also wanting to settle down.

Now all I need to do is dust of my matchmaking skills and get to work ;p

I am accepting applications. Lol.

Also, I am still waiting for my Prince Charming, with hazel eyes and a 6 pack …;) But OVERALL, may he be kheir for me 😉 hehe.

xx

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