Hijab Wedding Style

Thats me 🙂 For my cousins wedding.

Basically, a new Hijab Evening Style.

You take your dress to the fabric store. Pick out fabric that matches the dress (mine was pink)

And then go to the salon to get the lady to pin it up in an elaborate Up-do.

You can add brooches (Like my gold one, because my dress had gold accents), or flowers, or whatever else takes your fancy.

Use different kinds of fabrics, glittery, satiny, silk etc etc

Basially, LOTS OF FUN!!!

Muslim Man Seeking Wife

I never knew how difficult it was for muslim men to actually find a wife.

Until my cousin started looking 😉

Its not that simple.

When we are on the other side (the girl side) we sit there, hands folded, saying: ‘Where are all the good muslim men at??’

Unbeknownst to us, the men are doing the same thing!

They are complaining to their mothers and sisters and aunties, that it is difficult to find a good muslim girl to marry. Really.

Trust me.

This whole new modern age has thrown us for a loop.

Long gone is the age of aunties and grandmas recommending beautiful girls, and successful boys and making perfect matches.

Nowadays, people travel to study all across the globe. Girls are working in America, London, Australia. Equally perfectly eligible boys are trapped in an office in Dubai, Boston, Dallas.

We have lost the old fashioned ways of traditional arranged marriages.

So what replaces it?

That is the big question.

Do we date?

Do we meet guys on Facebook?

Do we join online Muslim dating sites and put up our ‘Bio Data?’ (said with the perfunctory Indian head nod. Lol)

Do we ask our sisters and aunties to look around for us and recommend someone appropriate?

And then what happens when you DO get a recommendation? What then??????

What are the rules of engagement?

Does he come and propose straight away?

Or can we chat for a bit on Skype and whatsapp?

Should I tell my mum immediately someone is interested in marrying me? What happens if it doesn’t work out?

Complicated I tell you.

Having been through the system myself….I can tell you. Its complicated.

I can only say:

Be open. Be honest. Pray to Allah.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer.

Allah wants us to pray to him.

Ask him, and he will answer.

My aunty told me a story of a guy who used to pray to Allah for a wife. He initially started by saying Allah, please let her be the one who is Kheir (good) for me. But also, he added a list of specifications. Green eyes, long hair, nice in character, religious..etc etc. He had an incredibly detailed list of specifics. However which each specification, he kept praying that above all, and most important may she be kheir for him.

When his family recommended a girl for him, and he met and married her, he was amazed. It was as though a girl was actually made to his exact specifications especially for him. She had all the features he had asked for and more. And Allah put between them a great love.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer.

Pray to Allah.

Also ask him to bring you closer to the person who is good for you. Kheir for you.

And secondly, be open minded.

He isn’t tall and muscular? Don’t dismiss him off the bat. Be open to considering him. Maybe he has other features you will love?

He doesn’t have the best job in the world (you wanted a Neurosurgeon like McDreamy in Greys)…well, just give him a chance. Maybe once you two are together, Allah will open doors you did not expect,and he will end up being richer and more respected than a Neurosurgeon.

Sometimes, I wish I could start a real system connecting people.

I know so many gorgeous, perfectly lovely men wanting to get married.

And so many gorgeous, perfectly lovely girls also wanting to settle down.

Now all I need to do is dust of my matchmaking skills and get to work ;p

I am accepting applications. Lol.

Also, I am still waiting for my Prince Charming, with hazel eyes and a 6 pack …;) But OVERALL, may he be kheir for me 😉 hehe.

xx

The Modern Muslim Husband

Islam

So nowadays people seem to have such a modern take on relationships.

A good friend of mine just told me about how he definitely wants a wife to contribute to the running of the house and their lives.

Well that in and of itself is not a bad thing.

But the fact that he listed that as a requirement and was adamant that it was a necessity and a requirement of her. I had to protest.

Islamically, the roles in marriage are set out very clearly.

The man is the provider. It is his Wajib (compulsory) responsibility to provide for his wife and children.

The wive’s Wajib responsibility is to take care of the home, her husband and her children.

If the two decide, amongst each other, to help the other out, and blur the clear roles…that is due to the Iman and love that Allah has put between them.

Okay let me make myself more clear.

A husband is required to take care of his wife completely. Even if she works, whatever money she makes is hers and hers alone. She has no obligation to pay electricity bills or buy a fridge or even milk and bread.

IF she decides she wants to help her husband and her children and work as a team, that is entirely up to her. And she will do that out of Iman and love.

In the same vein, the husbands role is to provide. Not to look after the children and change diapers. IF however he decides to help feed the baby because his wife was up all night with the child, then that is from his Iman and love.

The clear roles are defined so that there is no miscommunication. No ill feelings. No resentment.

If one decides to go above and beyond those roles, it is looked on favourably by the other spouse and acknowledged as the him/her having made an extra effort.

For example, if I work and with my money, I pay the bills, and the mortgage. I want my husband to acknowledge that I am helping him. And that I am a good wife, doing this out of love.

In the same vein, if he does the laundry and the dishes and feeds the baby, I will be grateful, and acknowledge that he is a wonderful husband.

I will not thank him every single day he goes to work to provide for his family, in the same way he will not have to thank me each time I change a nappy and for having given birth to our child. It is our respective duties and what is expected.

I don’t know if I am being clear enough.

I want an Islamic Marriage. With all its trappings.

I want a husband like Rasulullah (S.A.W) who would help out around the house and darn his own clothes.

I want to be a wife like bibi Khadija (R.A) who was independent and worked, and initially supported her husband when it was necessary.

People may call that modern? I call it an Islamic Marriage.

I will not bend to todays popular version of what is acceptable or a la mode or fashionable in a marriage.

Today, it is feminist rights, and being exactly EQUAL to a man.

Tomorrow, women may be screaming its actually their right to be taken care of by the man when they are pregnant and not HAVE to work or contribute.

Popular opinion, and societies view of what is popular and acceptable in relationships will change. It changes all the time.

This whole feminist approach is tres new. A few decades ago, it wasn’t there. And a few decades later, it may be scrapped and people may start a hue and cry about something else.

Just because it is popular, doesn’t mean its The Definitive Truth and what I have to want/follow.

Islam is timeless.

Regardless of what is a la mode.

So for now, I choose an Islamic Marriage.

Please lets stop getting caught up with what we see in movies, and what we are brainwashed to believe relationships and marriages are about.

Unless you want multiple affairs, mistresses, divorces within days (a la Kim Kardashian)….then you can go ahead and follow your latest ROMCOM movie for relationship advice.

Otherwise,  I would recommend you choose for yourself which kind of relationship you want.

And go back to Islamic principles.

May Allah give me, and all others the right kind of partner, ambaye ana kheri na mimi (who is Kheir for me)

xx

GUEST POST: Pregnancy And Islam

Is not Allah sufficient for his servant? - II

Bearing a child and becoming a mother, is highly regarded in Islam. We sometimes do not realise how much so.

Pregnancy Hadiths:

When a woman is pregnant with a child, all the angels will make Istighfar (repentance) on her behalf. Allah SWT will, for each day of her pregnancy, write for her 1000 good deeds and erase from her 1000 bad deeds.

When a pregnant woman starts to feel the pain from contractions, Allah (SWT) will write in her records as someone who is doing jihad (Spiritual or physical struggle) in His path.

When a woman becomes pregnant by her husband and he is pleased with her, she obtains the reward of a person engaging in fasting for Allah (SWT) and a person spending the night in Ibaadah (worship).

A woman from the time of pregnancy until childbirth and weaning the baby, is like the Mujahid (someone fighting in the path of Allah SWT) who is stationed on the frontiers of the Islamic land. If she dies during this period, she dies the death of a Shahid (martyr).

Two raka’at salaat performed by a pregnant woman is better than 80 raka’at salaat performed by a non-pregnant woman..

A woman who is pregnant gets the reward of fasting during the day and of doing ibaadah (worship) during the nights.

A woman who gives birth gets the reward of 70 years of salaat (prayer) and fasting. For each vein that feels pain, Allah SWT gives her the reward of one accepted hajj (Pilgrimage to Makkah).

If the woman dies within 40 days of giving birth, she will die as a shahid (matyr).

(Hadith)…….”A woman that dies in her virginity or during her pregnancy or at the time of birth or thereafter (in nifaas) will attain the rank of a martyr”

Nabi(SAW) is reported to have also said “When her labour pains commence, the inhabitants of the earth and the sky are unaware of the stores of comfort that are prepared for her. When she delivers and breast feeds her child, then she will be granted a reword for every gulp of milk, if she had to remain awake during the night for the sake of the child, she will receive the reword of emancipating seventy slaves in the path of Allah Ta’ala. O Salaamat! Do you know who these women are? They are pious, upright, with a delicate nature yet obedient to their husbands and not ungrateful to them” [Source: Madrasa In’aamiyyah]

By – Hilwa Khadija

Marriage Woes

Women keep complaining to me about unhappy marriages.

Khalaas.

I am tired.

Lol.

Really tho!

I am an unmarried young Muslim girl. Who still has rosy ideas about marriage and romance.

But every one of my friends, or aunties, or acquaintances feels the need to tell me the intimate, horrid details of their failed or failing marriages.

Le sigh.

I honestly, do not invite these disclosures.

Yes, I like to help. And I will offer a sympathetic ear.

And yes, I love my friends and will help them as much as I can, when they come to me with their problems.

But really though, its scaring me about marriage!!!

Also, what do I know? Im not married myself! What qualifies me to advise them?

Abusive relationships, cheating husbands, second wives, miserly husbands, intimacy issues….are just a FEW of the issues I have been trying to ‘help’ with.

Inshallah I will continue to do as best as I can to listen (because above all this is what  people need most) And Allah has given me this opportunity to do some good, and help in whichever way I can.

But …*sob*….its putting the fear of God in me regarding marriage.

My mum says everyone’s luck is different.

And honestly, in my head, I accept the truth of that statement.

In reality though, I am worried, worried, worried.

And I have even found myself thinking, well marriage is not COMPULSORY in Islam.

Its half of the Deen, yes.

And well, it can be kind of awesome to have a partner in your life.

But its not the end all and be all.

Lol.

Allah y’aalam.

Let me have Subra. And what will be will be.

May Allah help my friends and family, and all those undergoing marriage difficulties. Give them subra and improve the relationship between those husbands and wives.

*Okay I’m done ranting now* Lol.

Islamic Medicine

I wonder, if anyone has ever thought of opening Muslim Medical Clinics in the UK?

I was talking to another doctor friend, and we were discussing sexual or marriage counselling, and other services offered by the NHS (National Health Service). However, some of these services as they are now, would be inappropriate for specific issues facing Muslims. Some of the services would be better if tailored to Muslims.

I googled it.

And voila.

There is one such clinic in Maryland US.

If I was in Maryland right now, I would volunteer straight away! (I am a doctor)\

It is such an honourable and inspired idea!

http://mccmdclinic.org/

I am going to continue to explore the viability of starting up a similar clinic in UK. To serve the Muslim community.

Yes, we have the NHS which is free.

But sometimes, it would for example be great to have a female doctor examine you. To get advice regarding marital and sexual issues from another Muslim who may be more sensitive to the specific issues facing Muslim communities. To be able to get advice on smear tests, young girls to be advised on sexual matters and other sensitive medical matters. To offer counselling and advice re: Marital, sexual, and abuse issues.

I am sure there must be SOME such organisations and services.

However, I am sure they are community-centric. In other words, there will be services for the Bengali community. Or the Somali community. Or the Arab community. Not to generalise, but from what I have seen, in the UK, a lot of mosques and Islamic services are segregated based on culture.

We have so many Muslim and Asian doctors and nurses in the UK.

We could easily set up something similar to the Maryland Clinic.

Feel free to contact with me with tips and advice. If you are a medic/nurse/paramedic or have any medical background, your input and advice would be greatly welcomed.

SunniPath – The Online Islamic Academy

SunniPath

Sunni Path

I cannot more strongly advise, encourage or recommend this site.

Mashallah it is what we have all been waiting for.

Instead of sitting back and complaining about lack of knowledge, the evil of the internet, sheiks who are not modern and are falling behind the culture of today and thus not able to advise us…..

Some wonderful people have created SunniPath.

There are online lectures and courses. Places where you can post questions.

About everything and anything.

Sexual Intimacy.

Marriage, family and divorce.

Menses and Womens questions.

Answered by scholars using Quran and Hadith and Sunnah.

Educate yourselves. Arm yourselves with knowledge.

http://qibla.com/

http://spa.qibla.com/

🙂

xx

Having More Than One Wife In Islam

Symbol of Islam, the name of Allah, simplified...

So I have just had a discussion with some of my friends.

And they raised an issue that is often the heated topic of choice in many ‘girl talk’ sessions.

Should a man be allowed to have more than one wife. Islamically.

If you were a woman, whose husband wanted a second wife, would you agree?

What would you say? What would you think?

Islamically, what is the ruling on this.

A hot topic, yes?

It is also one of the favourite topics Non-Muslims use to highlight the supposed ‘neathanderal’ attitudes of Islamic culture.

In any case, here are the some of the issues we talked about. (Using a fictional discussion amongst fictional characters of course 😉 )

Three girls sat around the kitchen table having coffee, and a much needed catch up session. The topic of Polygamy in Islam comes up.

Aisha: I WOULD NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE  A SECOND WIFE. Never. Ever. Ever. I would die before I let that happen. I would leave him. I would not stand for it. Ever.

Hajra: Well, aren’t you Muslim though?

Aisha: Well Of course I am.

Hajra: In that case, in Surat Nisa it says:

“… marry women of your choice, two, three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…(Surah al-Nisa, 3).

Hence it is allowed! How can you call yourself a Muslim, if you don’t agree with what is in the Quran? You cannot pick and choose what you like in Islam.

Aisha: Weeell. I still wouldn’t be able to handle it. Honestly and truly. I just couldn’t do it. Allow my husband to sleep with another wife? Allow her to live with us for example? Allow him to look after her children as well. I know myself. I would not be able to.

Rabiyah: Okay. Well, none of you have mentioned the criteria. The requirements. In the ayah it says that a man should be able to treat all of his wives equally. And only IF he can do this, is when he is allowed to marry more than one wife. Men are human. There is no way they can treat all the wives equally. Allah knows this. Which is why he put the requirement in place. To dissuade men from going around and marrying wives left right and centre.

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “A man who has two wives and he does not deal justly with them will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.” (Sunan Tirmizi, no. 1141)

If he buys butter in one household, then he must buy butter in the other household. Not margarine. If one wife has a car, then the other should have one as well. The number of nights should be shared equally with the wives. The wifely duties should be distributed equally.

If a man can truly do this, then and only then is he allowed to marry more than one wife. If he is not financially capable of maintaining all the wives in an an equal manner, or not emotionally able to be fair between them, then he should stay with just the one wife.

ALSO, there are reasons. There should, ideally, be specific reasons for a man to go out and marry a second wife.

If she is ill.

If she is unable to bear children.

If she cannot meet his sexual needs because of illness.

Genuine. Real. Reasons.

Not randomly, because he has seen a ‘hot  piece of ass’ and feels like he can go ahead and enjoy life by having more than one woman.

Aisha: Even with all the reasons you have listed. I would still not be able to handle it! Because after all, he has promised to be with me through thick and thin. Just because I am ill, he decides he wants another wife? And throws me to the curb? I just would not be able to tolerate it. At all!

Hajra: Well, even you, as a woman, you have similar rights. If your husband is impotent, or he has an illness and can not look after you, you are allowed Islamically to ask for a divorce and get another husband. But if you choose to have subra, and stay and work things out and look after your husband, your reward of course will be from Allah. And that may be better for you. The same goes for a man.  Yes he is allowed a second wife if his first wife is ill or cannot meet her wifely duties. However, if he chooses to have subra and stay with his one wife, Inshallah that may be better for him.

Rabeya: I think, I think, and I may be wrong. But, men are created differently compared to women. They may have a stronger sexual drive. And perhaps weakness when it comes to women. So Allah has created this caveat. This ‘clause’ so to speak. To allow for this ‘weakness’. Would you rather your man went out and cheated on you with a hundred women, as they do in the Western world? Or would you rather he made the young girl respectable? Married her and looked after her.

A lot of women don’t mind the extra help. It means company. There are two of you. You work together to look after the household and your husband and your children. I know saying that is controversial. And a lot of people may label me ..I don’t know…ignorant or oppressed or brainwashed for having such ideas. But Polygamy is not a new concept. It has been practiced in many cultures across the world for centuries, and still is! It has been devilised by the Western world. Yet look at their society; Divorce, affairs, mistresses. Well, at least a higher rate of. Because even in Muslim societies those things exist.

And also, its not to say there will be no difficulties. There will be jealousy. Potential strife. Disagreements.

However, that doesn’t mean it can’t work. Or you should dismiss it because it does not fall in line with your ‘feminist’ views of the world.

Aisha: I am not being feminist as you say. I am just saying what would or would not work for me. I am an individual at the end of the day. And what works for one individual may not work for another. Some women may be happy with that kind of situation. I must say, I am not one of those. And I have clearly stated to my husband; If he marries another wife, I will leave him.

Rabeya: Subhanallah. But I do see your point about you being an individual. Fair enough.

Hajrah: Yes, I see your point. And besides its easier said than done. Saying : ‘A man can marry more than one wife’ in theory, is all well and good. But when it is YOUR husband, it is a different matter all together. And the subra, and strength, and Iman it takes, is not a small thing. And I truly believe for the women who manage to accept this, and live with their husbands and co-wives well, their reward is with Allah and He recognises and sees the sacrifice they have made.

Aisha: In any case. Allah knows best.

Hajra: Yes, all we can do is pray that we are doing the right thing. And leave the rest to Allah.

Aisha: Yeah. But I would kill him. If he did that. I really would.

*All Laugh*

Rabeya: Staghfirullah!

*More peals of laughter*

My views and that of my friends may be flawed. But it is from the little knowledge we have, from the little we have gleaned from our parents relationships, our friends marriages and what we have seen around us. Insha’allah, may Allah guide us all towards the righteous path. And keep us from Naar and protect us all. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, or add to the discussion. I welcome any new knowledge, Hadiths, Ayahs.

🙂

Smooches!

Hijabi Fashion

Mannequin doll head with a black hijab headsca...

I’m thinking of diversifying the blog. And adding content that I am interested in also. Like fashion.

Not in the catwalk and design kind of fashion.

But the everyday, how to pick an outfit from the high street and make it hijabi.

How to make that Zara top work for an evening out. Or that beautiful skirt suitable for work…as a HIJABI.

In U.K….its sometimes SO difficult to make an outfit appropriate.

If you see a nice top, you have to start thinking of a matching scarf, what long trousers/skirt you can wear it with, whether you need an inside top (to add sleeves) or an outside top (if said top is too tight and you need to cover the outside)

Basically putting together a Hijabi outfit in a non-Muslim country is an art form.

In countries like Egypt and Dubai, there are many shops that sell hijabs or extra sleeves or outer tops etc  which basically make a hijabis life easier. So you can design your entire outfit in one shop! Unthinkable for the UK!

So I was thinking of doing a series of posts about different trends that are in season in the high street. What to get where and the prices. And how to put them together into a set of Hijabi looks.

It can be a weekly segment.

What do you guys think?

Also, I can do a featured ‘Hijabi Of The Week’ post. So you can send me pictures of your outfit and how you put it together?

Hmm.

Well, its an idea.

If I don’t do it here, I might do it as a seperate blog. Maybe. Possibly.

Lol.

We’ll see. :p

Peace.

The Modern Muslim

Londonistan: How Britain is Creating a Terror ...

You may think a lot of Muslims are ‘modern’ nowadays.

You may assume that a lot of us chill in bars and discos and smoke or drink.

Perhaps we have girlfriends and boyfriends and ‘life partners’

This may be partially true, however there is a strong undercurrent of a different kind of new age Muslim.

Who has information at his fingertips.

Quraan downloaded on his ipod, podcasts of his favourite Sheikh’s lectures, and online lectures at an Islamic University.

Educated.

Young.

and Muslim.

The Modern Muslim, is an empowered Muslim.

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