Muslim Man Seeking Wife

I never knew how difficult it was for muslim men to actually find a wife.

Until my cousin started looking ๐Ÿ˜‰

Its not that simple.

When we are on the other side (the girl side) we sit there, hands folded, saying: ‘Where are all the good muslim men at??’

Unbeknownst to us, the men are doing the same thing!

They are complaining to their mothers and sisters and aunties, that it is difficult to find a good muslim girl to marry. Really.

Trust me.

This whole new modern age has thrown us for a loop.

Long gone is the age of aunties and grandmas recommending beautiful girls, and successful boys and making perfect matches.

Nowadays, people travel to study all across the globe. Girls are working in America, London, Australia. Equally perfectly eligible boys are trapped in an office in Dubai, Boston, Dallas.

We have lost the old fashioned ways of traditional arranged marriages.

So what replaces it?

That is the big question.

Do we date?

Do we meet guys on Facebook?

Do we join online Muslim dating sites and put up our ‘Bio Data?’ (said with the perfunctory Indian head nod. Lol)

Do we ask our sisters and aunties to look around for us and recommend someone appropriate?

And then what happens when you DO get a recommendation? What then??????

What are the rules of engagement?

Does he come and propose straight away?

Or can we chat for a bit on Skype and whatsapp?

Should I tell my mum immediately someone is interested in marrying me? What happens if it doesn’t work out?

Complicated I tell you.

Having been through the system myself….I can tell you. Its complicated.

I can only say:

Be open. Be honest. Pray to Allah.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer.

Allah wants us to pray to him.

Ask him, and he will answer.

My aunty told me a story of a guy who used to pray to Allah for a wife. He initially started by saying Allah, please let her be the one who is Kheir (good) for me. But also, he added a list of specifications. Green eyes, long hair, nice in character, religious..etc etc. He had an incredibly detailed list of specifics. However which each specification, he kept praying that above all, and most important may she be kheir for him.

When his family recommended a girl for him, and he met and married her, he was amazed. It was as though a girl was actually made to his exact specifications especially for him. She had all the features he had asked for and more. And Allah put between them a great love.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer.

Pray to Allah.

Also ask him to bring you closer to the person who is good for you. Kheir for you.

And secondly, be open minded.

He isn’t tall and muscular? Don’t dismiss him off the bat. Be open to considering him. Maybe he has other features you will love?

He doesn’t have the best job in the world (you wanted a Neurosurgeon like McDreamy in Greys)…well, just give him a chance. Maybe once you two are together, Allah will open doors you did not expect,and he will end up being richer and more respected than a Neurosurgeon.

Sometimes, I wish I could start a real system connecting people.

I know so many gorgeous, perfectly lovely men wanting to get married.

And so many gorgeous, perfectly lovely girls also wanting to settle down.

Now all I need to do is dust of my matchmaking skills and get to work ;p

I am accepting applications. Lol.

Also, I am still waiting for my Prince Charming, with hazel eyes and a 6 pack …;) But OVERALL, may he be kheir for me ๐Ÿ˜‰ hehe.

xx

My Dream Wedding

I’m always planning my wedding.

Always.

When I see a beautiful beach.

Or a beautiful dress in a magazine.

Or a lovely hairstyle.

Iย  love watching wedding shows!

I’m addicted. Any kind of wedding shows. Cheesy ones, American ones, horrible British ones.

I love looking at other people’s wedding pictures. (Facebook = a gold mine! Lol.)

‘Oh that colour combination is nice’

‘I would never wear that dress with those arms!’

‘Bad choice of shoes’

I don’t just enjoy it. I revel in it. Its my favorite pass time.

I read wedding blogs (whatjunebugloves is a good one)

I attend wedding shows.

I must admit the one thing I haven’t yet done is buy wedding magazines. I refuse to actually spend money on this insane obsession. (Yes, I am aware that it is insane. LOL)

I have this belief that when I start spending money on a wedding I don’t actually have, then I have officially gone over the edge.

Until then, I only read the wedding magazines at the salon. Or at the Doctor’s office. Lol.

What is it about weddings?

Sigh.

Is it the idea of romance? Of love?

Is it the idea of being the centre of attention?

Being the most beautiful person in the room?

Having the people you love the most surround you and wish you well?

Being able to commit yourself to the person you love forever and ever?

In a unique way that represents both of your personalities and cultures?

Is it the bringing together of many generations? Grandchildren and aunties. Sisters and cousins.

Or is it the excitement of planning and fun associated with it?

Or maybe…………..it’s ALL OF THAT?

WEDDINGS ARE AMAZING!!

I love love love weddings!

I don’t know if I want a destination wedding. Or a traditional wedding. Or a home spun wedding?

Maybe I’ll have it on a beach. Or a beautiful Grecian hall. Or in the garden behind our house.

Sigh.

So many options! So many options!!

* Deep breath *

* Composes self *

The fact that I don’t have a groom as yet…

Well.

Details.

๐Ÿ™‚

I don’t mind though.

I spend many, happy hours browsing and criticizing other people’s weddings.

Lol.

Some people have shopping or sports.

I have Weddings.

๐Ÿ™‚

* Off to browse Junebug Weddings *


Beef On Twitter

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase

I am upset.

Deeply upset.

My significant other has decided it is his prerogative to post our personal issues on facebook.

He hates it when I write on this blog about my OWN personal issues.

Let alone OUR personal issues.

So the fact that he felt the need to dedicate a status about marriage and weddings and the cost of these things while negatively referencing myself….

*Fumes*

So, my dear.

If you are reading. All. Bets. Are. Off.

……………..Social media is the devil.

For relationships.

For friendships.

For all kinds of -ships.

It is the poison that feeds the evil monster within.

It feeds the little, scar-faced, disfigured nasty monster who represents all the negative facets of our personalities.

The Jealous You.

The Mdaku (nosy) You.

The Covetous You.

The Lonely You.

The Spiteful You.

Social Media (Twitter, facebook, etc ) allow for these elements of yourself to roam freely through other people’s pages.

You can deposit comments and tweets on other people’s lives, like little ticking time bombs.

Leave them sitting there. Like a steaming turd on someone’s doorstep.

At the click of a button. Boom!

I recently read an article which said that Facebook is increasingly being quoted as a reason for divorce in court proceedings.

It is also being quoted as the cause for marital problems in marriage counselling.

I read yet another article about how a woman created a fake profile to seduce her husband and see if he would cheat. He did.

Now, I’m not trying to give you guys ideas on how to catch a cheating spouse.

I’m just saying. People do some strange things on Social Media sites.

I have always used it to keep in touch with friends and family.

Never displaying too much personal info.

Most of my pictures are restricted.

A lot of what I post is via direct messages.

I try not to let my personal business become everyone’s business.

I HATE HATE HATE the ‘in a relationship’ option.

I HATE HATE HATE people who make up and break up on facebook.

I HATE HATE HATE lovey dovey couples whose tongues are basically down each other’s throats on facebook statuses and comments.

Get a ROOM!

And now, the fact that MY business has just been made so public.

The fact that I have stooped so low and actually responded.

The fact that I have now become what I despise….

SMDH.

A sign of the times people.

I have gone over to the dark side.

From now on:

All.

Bets.

Are.

Off.

That is all.

Update:

Instead of responding to the beef online, I sent my boo a text instead.

He apologized and took down the offending facebook status immediately.

@Bugz79 told me that: ‘The other party resorts to social media vents if they don’t feel heard. Communicate.’

I could not ignore the truth in that statement.

‘Communicate.’

Sounds easy right? ๐Ÿ™‚

Let’s give it a go then…:-p

When Your Life Starts Looking Like A Scene From A Movie

Rihanna with Chris Brown (Explored)

LMA@the facial expressions

When your life starts looking like a scene from a movie…..

Get out.

Run.

Run as far and as fast as you can from that situation.

Ok, in all seriousness.

Dramaholics – mwajijua! (You know yourselves)

The guy who smashes all the plates in your house when he gets angry? Na bado you are with him?

The guy who is so jealous he vets all your facebook friends? (‘No, that one is too handsome. Delete!’)

The girlfriend who shrieks at you like a banshee because you forgot your 10th month anniversary.

Hmm.

To varying degrees, drama excites us.

We thrive on it.

It’s what makes for good T.V and good movies.

But in real life, well.

Its a different story.

Because none of those dramatics actually end well.

The smashing of plates will escalate into smashing your face in.

The jealous boyfriend will start stalking you, or he will smash handsome-facebook-friend’s teeth in.

The clingy girlfriend will…..drive you insane.

Drama is what makes life fun.

But too much of it as with anything can be…well, too much.

I had a boyfriend with whom I never, ever had fights with.

Never. Ever.

He was always cool as a the ocean’s breeze.

Unflappable.

To my insanity, he would just smile affably, and let my anger deflate.

Grrr.

It drove me nuts.

I wanted drama! Arguments. Plate smashing. Passion.

Lol.

Women!

We think we know what we want. But it is seldom good for us.

What you see in the movies….is not real.

Rihanna and herย  issues (Love the way You Lie) should not be defining how people see relationships.

A stable, healthy relationship doesn’t have smashed plates in it. Or for that matter, burning houses.

Happy Martin Luther King Day y’all

Love and War

I honestly thought it was mainly girls who had drama when it comes to relationships.

It is always the girl who will be seen screaming in high-pitched decibels because the guy forgot to put the seat down.

It is usually the girl who over reacts to a text/an innocent lunch with a workmate/a perceived insult to her mother.

It is usually the girl, who has a Degree in drama, and a Masters in starting a fight from nowhere.

However, I have recently had to….re-evaluate my position based on a few encounters I have had.

I shall tell you two stories.

Story A : Drama Queen

A guy I met once or twice at work (he is a doctor) and then happened to accept his friend request on Facebook, decided I was going to be his wife.

Yes, he was obsessed. And insane.

I re-iterate. I have only met this jamaa once. Maybe a maximum of two times.

We chat on Facebook sporadically.

He asks me how I am. Flirts kidogo harmlessly. I flirt back a little.

Then suddenly, I meet Mr. Jekyl.

Apparently, flirty guy was Dr. Hyde.

Mr. Jekyl is a whole new kettle of fish.

He is insane.

I mean, clincally. Insane.

He decides he wants to meet me. Like now! Doesn’t matter that we are on different continents.

‘Si you have cash? Buy a ticket!’

Ala?

On my refusal. He starts becoming abusive.

Throws a diva fit,ย  the likes of which, Naomi Campbell would be proud of.

Ati I am a *****, a *****. I have been leading him on. I am evil impersonated. Devil spawn. Etcetera etcetera. Basically he insults me to high heaven. And then says his life would be better off without me in it. He proceeds to delete me on Facebook, and to block me.

Initially I’m like, wow. Emmm…wow. Okay.

a. I hardly know you.

b. I’m not about to protest. Go back from whence you came. Whether it is a portal from hell. Or a mental institution.

c. What a Drama Queen!!!

Ok, I understand maybe it was his ego that was bruised. Maybe he liked me? And he was upset that I did not reciprocate the feelings. And what I thought of as innocent flirtation meant more to him? I ‘unno.

Nonetheless, I had thought the issue was done and dusted. The drama was behind me.

I was better off without a person who could kick up such a fuss over…nothing at all.

Shock on me.

Fast forward 6 months.

Si this guy decides he needs me in his life?

He is sorry. He is ashamed of the words that were said. He wants me back. He will do anything.

He calls.ย  And calls. And calls.

Middle of the night.

Middle of the day.

When I’m at work.

First thing in the morning.

He emails.

And emails.

And emails.

Several times in a day.

Dodging this psycho is getting tiresome………………….Shall I just give in to the madness?

………………Hello DramaQueen. We meet again.

Story 2: Clueless Lover

Guy meets girl. Guy falls in love with Girl. Girl is none the wiser.

Guy pines after girl relentlessly.

Girl is….still none the wiser.

Guy decides to play games.

Argh.

There is nothing I hate more than game playing when it comes to relationships.

Why can’tย  people just be upfront about things?!

‘I like you. Do you like me?’

‘No. I don’t, sorry.’

‘Sigh. That hurt. But okay. Goodbye’

The end.

No drama.

Just brutal honesty.

And voila. Peace on earth.

Lol. If only.

In real life things are obviously more complex.

But I thought it was women who were mainly the evil masterminds behind game playing in relationships.

Obviously I was wrong.

Men formulate long, twisted and elaborate plans when it comes to getting the woman they want.

And when those plans fail, they formulate even longer, more complex plans on getting their revenge/getting their own back.

You thought guys were innocent, dumb schmucks who just watch football, eat and fart? Eh, think again.

There are probably 10 guys you know who have you as a pawn in their plans to get your hot friend. Or they have you in their 10-week-plan-to-get-you-in-bed. Possibly you’re the star feature in the elaborate ‘I-will-have-my-way-with-her-one-day-when-she-is-drunk’ plan.

Yes, girls. What your mothers told you was true. Men are evil. And they want to get in your pants. Lol.

Okay I am exaggerating a little to make a point.

But this guy had a plan to get in my pants. Unfortunately it was not a very good plan. Mainly because I wasn’t aware it was happening. I wasn’t even aware he liked me like that. (Maybe that’s the definition of a good plan? Element of surprise? I ‘unno)

Anyhow.

The plan failed.

Cue : Elaborate revenge plan.

This new plan went something like this:

a. Be-friend QQ

b. Start to become an integral part of her life

c. Get her to like you and respect you as a friend

d. Get her to like you even more

e. Get her to love you

f. CRUSH HERRRRRRRR!!!!

Fortunately, that plan failed as well.

It didn’t even get to part b.

Maybe its just because I’m a little thick.

Or it’s because I’m imaging all these guys like me when in fact, they hardly think about me at all.

Who knows? Lol.

In any case…..

CluelessLover……….goodbye forever.

So boys and girls, there you have it.

All’s fair in love and war.

Both men and women play dirty.

And men aren’t beneath a few elaborate dramatics.

Have yourself a Terrific Tuesday ( FYI I hate Tuesdays, even more than Mondays)

Peace.

Cyber Cheating

Image representing Facebook as depicted in Cru...

Cheater Cheater Cheater

We all do it.

Admit it! Admit it! No use denying.

OK, let me elaborate.

You are in a steady relationship. Maybe you are even married. You are committed to your partner. You would NEVER ever dream of cheating. You never have.

But…

You discover the internet. And with it, Facebook, Twitter, other social networking sites, blogging, etc etc.

You discover …’Cyber-you’.

Cyber-you is very different from your normal self.

Cyber-you is chatty, funny, flirty even.

With enough time to think of responses to comments, and posts, you may even be called witty, engaging, charming.

Your usual tongue-tied, quiet or serious persona disappears once the computer screen lights up.

You start to put up pictures, re-connect with long-lost friends (even nursery school ones – c’mon!)

And, Lo and behold, people start commenting on your pictures!

‘Cute pic’

‘You look hot’

‘Nice shirt’

Cute?Hot??Sexy??? You????

Cyber-you is smug in response to these compliments. Did I mention Cyber-you is egotistical and narcissistic? No? Oh, just take a look at the many self-shots in Cyber-you’s profile pics.

Buoyed by the encouragement and lavish praise from Slutty-loners, Cyber-you thrives.

Meanwhile, you and your significant other are doing well. The relationship is flourishing. Your partner notices you are not clingy anymore. You don’t seem to need constant affirmation and attention. You seem more confident. This is attractive to your partner, and she sees it as a sign of your relationship deepening and maturing.

Little does she know…

In fact, one of the members of the slutty loners club is actually kinda hot…

Her comments get more frequent.

She puts up a few racy pics.

Sends you a couple of steamy but PG rated messages. Testing the waters..

‘Thinking of you…’

‘Wish you were here…’

And that’s how it starts.

Innocent flirtation…or so it seems.

Never cheat if your husband can fly woman!

Take another look. Are you cyber cheating?

Kikulacho Kinguoni Mwako

Boy meets Girl.

Boy falls in love with Girl.

Girl falls in love with Boy.

Girl’s Best friend falls in love with Boy too.

Let the drama commence.

See, Girl’s best friend (BFF) already has a man. Or she is the ugly duckling of the pair of friends. Or Boy is just so in love with Girl, he really doesn’t see BFF that way at all.

Cue BFF feeling left out, unwanted, ignored.

Previously Girl and BFF spent ALL their time together. They spoke on the phone every day , several times a day. They met up for lunch, and dinner and everything in between.

Now, however. Boy is in the picture.

Boy spirits Girl off for marvelous adventures at the drop of a hat. Boy calls 20x a day, so Girl’s phone is always busy. Boy makes Girl laugh, so BFF’s jokes feel lackluster and unfunny in comparison.

BFF is no competition for Boy.

So instead of competing. She decides to join in.

She knows more about Boys and Girls relationship, than both of them put together. She knows Boys wants and hates, his likes, his dislikes. She even knows when Girl is going out with Boy, and what Girl will be wearing for said date (she helped Girl pick her outfit out. Duuurrr!)

BFF makes sure she is always funny and cheerful. And ‘lovingly’ makes fun of Boy and Girl for being so in love.

She flirts with Boy. A. Lot.

Initially just to see if she could.

And then as a sort of twisted game. *Shrugs*

Clueless Boy, innocently plays along. BFF is after all Girl’s BEST FRIEND FOREVER. It seems like the two come as a package. And he cannot manage to separate the two, so why try? Floating on a cloud of love, and happy thoughts, he sees no evil and hears no evil.

He just feels the warm beam of attention from not one, but TWO ladies. And feels blessed.

Emmm….What is wrong with this picture?

Anyone?

Yes, hands up if you know the answer.

You, there in the corner…yes, you!

There should only be two people in a relationship?

Ah, precisely!

You hit the nail on the head! Your parents’ school fees zina fanya kazi. Good work.

Now, class.

A relationship traditionally has only two people. Two.

When an added third element comes into the picture. With killer heels, the brain of a psychopath and the conscience of a mungbean…well. Things are not healthy.

Let us get back to Boy and Girl.

BFF now knows more about Boy AND Girl than either of them.

BFF starts to let slip a few things here and there.

Scene One:

BFF: (Nonchalantly) Boy was at Panari yesterday

Girl: (Surprised) Really? He said he was studying.

BFF: Umm, yea. He told me.

Girl: He told you?? Why didn’t he tell me? Who was he meeting?

BFF: (Strategic retreat) I dunno. (She does know) You ask him yourself.

*Cue Drama*

Scene Two:

Boy: (Humming)

BFF: Girl doesn’t like it when you hum. It drive her crazy.

Boy: (Hurt) She said she found it cute!!

BFF: Uh, she doesn’t. She said she’d rather hear a cat strangle a chicken. LOL.

Boy: (Stunned silence)

BFF: I LOVE your voice

Boy: (Confused, but ego salve working like a charm) You doooo?

Sigh.

Men are sooooo clueless at times.

There are several possible endings to this story. And like those books where you pick your ending ( I hated them!), I shall let you choose yours.

End1:

Boy cheats on Girl with BFF.

No one is the wiser.

Boy is ravaged with guilt.

Eventually confesses to Girl.

End of relationship.

End2:

Boy gets tired of drama.

Tries to tell Girl about the evil machinations of BFF.

Girl dumps his ass.

Cycle continues when Girl gets a new man.

End3:

BFF dies a horrific and violent, but highly satisfying death.

…………………Voila. Your choice.

Kikulacho Kinguoni Mwako:ย  Those closest to you, are the ones capable of hurting you the most.

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