Marriage Woes

Women keep complaining to me about unhappy marriages.

Khalaas.

I am tired.

Lol.

Really tho!

I am an unmarried young Muslim girl. Who still has rosy ideas about marriage and romance.

But every one of my friends, or aunties, or acquaintances feels the need to tell me the intimate, horrid details of their failed or failing marriages.

Le sigh.

I honestly, do not invite these disclosures.

Yes, I like to help. And I will offer a sympathetic ear.

And yes, I love my friends and will help them as much as I can, when they come to me with their problems.

But really though, its scaring me about marriage!!!

Also, what do I know? Im not married myself! What qualifies me to advise them?

Abusive relationships, cheating husbands, second wives, miserly husbands, intimacy issues….are just a FEW of the issues I have been trying to ‘help’ with.

Inshallah I will continue to do as best as I can to listen (because above all this is what  people need most) And Allah has given me this opportunity to do some good, and help in whichever way I can.

But …*sob*….its putting the fear of God in me regarding marriage.

My mum says everyone’s luck is different.

And honestly, in my head, I accept the truth of that statement.

In reality though, I am worried, worried, worried.

And I have even found myself thinking, well marriage is not COMPULSORY in Islam.

Its half of the Deen, yes.

And well, it can be kind of awesome to have a partner in your life.

But its not the end all and be all.

Lol.

Allah y’aalam.

Let me have Subra. And what will be will be.

May Allah help my friends and family, and all those undergoing marriage difficulties. Give them subra and improve the relationship between those husbands and wives.

*Okay I’m done ranting now* Lol.

Having More Than One Wife In Islam

Symbol of Islam, the name of Allah, simplified...

So I have just had a discussion with some of my friends.

And they raised an issue that is often the heated topic of choice in many ‘girl talk’ sessions.

Should a man be allowed to have more than one wife. Islamically.

If you were a woman, whose husband wanted a second wife, would you agree?

What would you say? What would you think?

Islamically, what is the ruling on this.

A hot topic, yes?

It is also one of the favourite topics Non-Muslims use to highlight the supposed ‘neathanderal’ attitudes of Islamic culture.

In any case, here are the some of the issues we talked about. (Using a fictional discussion amongst fictional characters of course ūüėČ )

Three girls sat around the kitchen table having coffee, and a much needed catch up session. The topic of Polygamy in Islam comes up.

Aisha: I WOULD NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE  A SECOND WIFE. Never. Ever. Ever. I would die before I let that happen. I would leave him. I would not stand for it. Ever.

Hajra: Well, aren’t you Muslim though?

Aisha: Well Of course I am.

Hajra: In that case, in Surat Nisa it says:

‚Äú… marry women of your choice, two, three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one‚Ķ(Surah al-Nisa, 3).

Hence it is allowed! How can you call yourself a Muslim, if you don’t agree with what is in the Quran? You cannot pick and choose what you like in Islam.

Aisha: Weeell. I still wouldn’t be able to handle it. Honestly and truly. I just couldn’t do it. Allow my husband to sleep with another wife? Allow her to live with us for example? Allow him to look after her children as well. I know myself. I would not be able to.

Rabiyah: Okay. Well, none of you have mentioned the criteria. The requirements. In the ayah it says that a man should be able to treat all of his wives equally. And only IF he can do this, is when he is allowed to marry more than one wife. Men are human. There is no way they can treat all the wives equally. Allah knows this. Which is why he put the requirement in place. To dissuade men from going around and marrying wives left right and centre.

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: ‚ÄúA man who has two wives and he does not deal justly with them will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.‚ÄĚ (Sunan Tirmizi, no. 1141)

If he buys butter in one household, then he must buy butter in the other household. Not margarine. If one wife has a car, then the other should have one as well. The number of nights should be shared equally with the wives. The wifely duties should be distributed equally.

If a man can truly do this, then and only then is he allowed to marry more than one wife. If he is not financially capable of maintaining all the wives in an an equal manner, or not emotionally able to be fair between them, then he should stay with just the one wife.

ALSO, there are reasons. There should, ideally, be specific reasons for a man to go out and marry a second wife.

If she is ill.

If she is unable to bear children.

If she cannot meet his sexual needs because of illness.

Genuine. Real. Reasons.

Not randomly, because he has seen a ‘hot ¬†piece of ass’ and feels like he can go ahead and enjoy life by having more than one woman.

Aisha: Even with all the reasons you have listed. I would still not be able to handle it! Because after all, he has promised to be with me through thick and thin. Just because I am ill, he decides he wants another wife? And throws me to the curb? I just would not be able to tolerate it. At all!

Hajra: Well, even you, as a woman, you have similar rights. If your husband is impotent, or he has an illness and can not look after you, you are allowed Islamically to ask for a divorce and get another husband. But if you choose to have subra, and stay and work things out and look after your husband, your reward of course will be from Allah. And that may be better for you. The same goes for a man.  Yes he is allowed a second wife if his first wife is ill or cannot meet her wifely duties. However, if he chooses to have subra and stay with his one wife, Inshallah that may be better for him.

Rabeya: I think, I think, and I may be wrong. But, men are created differently compared to women. They may have a stronger sexual drive. And perhaps weakness when it comes to women. So Allah has created this caveat. This ‘clause’ so to speak. To allow for this ‘weakness’. Would you rather your man went out and cheated on you with a hundred women, as they do in the Western world? Or would you rather he made the young girl respectable? Married her and looked after her.

A lot of women don’t mind the extra help. It means company. There are two of you. You work together to look after the household and your husband and your children. I know saying that is controversial. And a lot of people may label me ..I don’t know…ignorant or oppressed or brainwashed for having such ideas. But Polygamy is not a new concept. It has been practiced in many cultures across the world for centuries, and still is! It has been devilised by the Western world. Yet look at their society; Divorce, affairs, mistresses. Well, at least a higher rate of. Because even in Muslim societies those things exist.

And also, its not to say there will be no difficulties. There will be jealousy. Potential strife. Disagreements.

However, that doesn’t mean it can’t work. Or you should dismiss it because it does not fall in line with your ‘feminist’ views of the world.

Aisha: I am not being feminist as you say. I am just saying what would or would not work for me. I am an individual at the end of the day. And what works for one individual may not work for another. Some women may be happy with that kind of situation. I must say, I am not one of those. And I have clearly stated to my husband; If he marries another wife, I will leave him.

Rabeya: Subhanallah. But I do see your point about you being an individual. Fair enough.

Hajrah: Yes, I see your point. And besides its easier said than done. Saying : ‘A man can marry more than one wife’ in theory, is all well and good. But when it is YOUR husband, it is a different matter all together. And the subra, and strength, and Iman it takes, is not a small thing. And I truly believe for the women who manage to accept this, and live with their husbands and co-wives well, their reward is with Allah and He recognises and sees the sacrifice they have made.

Aisha: In any case. Allah knows best.

Hajra: Yes, all we can do is pray that we are doing the right thing. And leave the rest to Allah.

Aisha: Yeah. But I would kill him. If he did that. I really would.

*All Laugh*

Rabeya: Staghfirullah!

*More peals of laughter*

My views and that of my friends may be flawed. But it is from the little knowledge we have, from the little we have gleaned from our parents relationships, our friends marriages and what we have seen around us. Insha’allah, may Allah guide us all towards the righteous path. And keep us from Naar and protect us all. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, or add to the discussion. I welcome any new knowledge, Hadiths, Ayahs.

ūüôā

Smooches!

The Other Woman

‘He walked out on me.¬†He walked out on me!…..¬†Or he might as well have.’

She stares blankly at the wall.

Her eyes, dulled with pain.

The air, so stiff and heavy with emotion, it catches in my throat.

I run the comb through my sister’s inky black hair.

Heavy tresses, glimmering in the dim light of the moon.

The scent of the sea carries through the open balcony doors.

I feel her pain. This woman, this blood of mine.

And as my hand rises and falls, entwined in her hair, my heart bleeds.

Blind rage, overwhelming sadness, grief.

So much grief.

I wish I could hold her heart in my hands, and gingerly nurse it back to health.

Kiss it, and hug it, and whisper sweet nothings to it.

How dare he break it?!

 

Silent tears fall onto her lap.

‘Habibty, you are better off without him.’

‘I know Lulu. But it doesn’t make it hurt any less.’

 

 

Happy Father’s Day

How many of us overlook the role played by our fathers? For those of us who have experienced a dad’s unconditional love,we don’t realize how lucky we are.

…….

For all the times you picked me up when I fell
For all the times you chastised me to make me a better person
For all the times you hugged me when I was hurt
I love you Dad

For everytime you called me to make sure I had enough cash
For everytime you smiled at me and told me I looked beautiful
For everytime you played the chauffeur and drove me …everywhere!
I love you Dad.

For the times you cooked for us
And changed a dirty diaper
For the times you put baubles in my hair
Even though you weren’t sure how
For the times you defended me
Even when I was in the wrong
I love you Dad.

Happy Fathers Day
You mean the world to me.

Blood, Sweat And Tears

Barbie Doll Museum at Bloomingdale's

We are born with a clean slate.

But within minutes, our families lay heaps and heaps of societal responsibility on our heads.

I am an angry Muslim girl.

Not because I am angry at God.

But because I am angry at society.

From the day a mum buys her daughter a Barbie doll.

Or the day a little girl’s brother laughs at her for trying to play football with his friends…

Messages are being downloaded direct into her hardware.

Like a little ticking virus bomb.

Waiting for the right time to explode.

Infecting the system. Drive by drive.

‘You are a girl. You must behave a certain way.’

We mostly don’t realize this.

How controlled we are.

How bloody brainwashed we are.

How caged we are.

………….Or maybe its just me……..

Society ingrains in us that we have to follow a specific mould.

Any deviation from that and we are relegated pariahs. Outcasts.¬†Treated badly to set an example…so that none of the others follow your deviant, devilish ways.

It’s human nature. The ‘Pack mentality’.

Blending in keeps you alive. Sticking out, well it singles you out to predators, and you endanger the whole community.

Except we do not live in a jungle any more.

Doesn’t matter which society you think about..each has its own unwritten rules and regulations. A code of conduct written in blood, sweat and tears.

How many of us follow these rules without even thinking twice………..?

……………I know I am being a bit vague, forgive me.

I am trying to decide what path my life will take.

And I feel bound by the shackles of what society expects me to do.

What’s worse, is that these shackles are not even real.

I can break them any time I want.

I can go off to Rio, and become a dancer if I want. (For example)

But the little seeds of propaganda planted in my brain from day 1…keep holding me back.

Nobody is TELLING me I can’t do what I want.

But my own conscience is holding me back.

What will society think?

What will my family think?

What will they all saaaay?

Brave are the souls who decide to take the path less travelled.

They throw caution to the wind. And watch it burn.

These, these are the founders of tomorrow.

Rule breakers.

Trend setters.

Labelled crazy, loco!

But eventually, lauded as the inventors, trend setters, and physicists of tomorrow!

I do not aspire to be the next Einstein or Van Gogh.

Only to live my dreams to the fullest.

Without being encumbered by the collective gasp of societal disapproval.

I CHOOSE to travel.

I CHOOSE to not be married (right now)

I CHOOSE to work.

I CHOOSE to be educated.

I CHOOSE to be different.

I CHOOSE a partner you do not expect me to.

I CHOOSE to be an Independent Muslim Woman.

I CHOOSE to throw caution to the wind.

Because it is my prerogative.

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road Less Travelled, by Robert Frost

My Dream Wedding

I’m always planning my wedding.

Always.

When I see a beautiful beach.

Or a beautiful dress in a magazine.

Or a lovely hairstyle.

I  love watching wedding shows!

I’m addicted. Any kind of wedding shows. Cheesy ones, American ones, horrible British ones.

I love looking at other people’s wedding pictures. (Facebook = a gold mine! Lol.)

‘Oh that colour combination is nice’

‘I would never wear that dress with those arms!’

‘Bad choice of shoes’

I don’t just enjoy it. I revel in it. Its my favorite pass time.

I read wedding blogs (whatjunebugloves is a good one)

I attend wedding shows.

I must admit the one thing I haven’t yet done is buy wedding magazines. I refuse to actually spend money on this insane obsession. (Yes, I am aware that it is insane. LOL)

I have this belief that when I start spending money on a wedding I don’t actually have, then I have officially gone over the edge.

Until then, I only read the wedding magazines at the salon. Or at the Doctor’s office. Lol.

What is it about weddings?

Sigh.

Is it the idea of romance? Of love?

Is it the idea of being the centre of attention?

Being the most beautiful person in the room?

Having the people you love the most surround you and wish you well?

Being able to commit yourself to the person you love forever and ever?

In a unique way that represents both of your personalities and cultures?

Is it the bringing together of many generations? Grandchildren and aunties. Sisters and cousins.

Or is it the excitement of planning and fun associated with it?

Or maybe…………..it’s ALL OF THAT?

WEDDINGS ARE AMAZING!!

I love love love weddings!

I don’t know if I want a destination wedding. Or a traditional wedding. Or a home spun wedding?

Maybe I’ll have it on a beach. Or a beautiful Grecian hall. Or in the garden behind our house.

Sigh.

So many options! So many options!!

* Deep breath *

* Composes self *

The fact that I don’t have a groom as yet…

Well.

Details.

ūüôā

I don’t mind though.

I spend many, happy hours browsing and criticizing other people’s weddings.

Lol.

Some people have shopping or sports.

I have Weddings.

ūüôā

* Off to browse Junebug Weddings *


Are you a Virgin?

Okay. The aim of this blog is to channel my love of writing. To excite my creative neurones. To be an outlet for my frustrations and agressions. But also to raise awareness. To a small degree.

And so I apologise in advance for all whom I may offend by this post.

For eons man has been obsessed by virginity. A virgin girl is a prized posession in many cultures, across continents, and across centuries.

My experience with this phenomenon is limited. But as a Muslim Arab single girl, it had been a topic that has occupied the forefront of my mind since I was a little girl.

I don’t remember the first time I became aware of what virginity meant. But I remember not wanting to ride a bike at 9 or 10 years. I remember being afraid everytime i played sports. And being aware that horse riding was bad for me.

How did i know about blood and a broken hymen? I dunno. But it was one of my biggest fears.

In talking about this issue with some of my Muslimah friends, a lot of them mentioned this fear they had had ingrained in them.

One of them talked about how her dad was always telling her to be careful not to get raped. He would tell a 6 year old not to play outside or talk to her male friends at school in case she got raped. She grew up terrified that at any moment, she would be accosted!

A careful dad or over-kill?

I agree that we need to protect our daughters. Yes. Warn them about preserving their chastity, yes. But this fascination and obsession with treating our girls as eggs in case their hymen breaks on shaking them too hard…ah!

In our Yemeni culture, the blood stained sheet after the wedding night is displayed to the mother in law, in a ceremony of dance and song. If God forbid, the bride was too shy, or the man umm, couldn’t perform that night, the households go into a state of deep mourning. The mothers wail, the in laws point fingers, and the pressure mounts…which of course does nothing to help the nervous newly-weds.

Isn’t what happens in a marital bed private according to Sunnah? Couldn’t it be possible the woman did not even have a hymen? Or that she broke it at a young age playing sports? Medically, as a doctor, I can tell you the answer is yes.

Girls everywhere are subjected to shame, divorce and ridicule, all because of a little blood.

It makes me so angry.

The worst thing is the double standards afforded to the Muslim man. It is well known that a Muslim man can be male-whore if he wants to, with no social consequences. After a youth spent sowing his seed into every flowerpot and shamba, he demands a virgin for a bride. What?! Bloody double standards.

I would love to invent a method of allowing us to detect if a man has done the deed. A permanent dye or something. Applied at birth. And once the Haraam deed is committed, the penis turns purple. And falls off. Lol. Okay not the falling off part.

So shrouded in mystery is this issue of virginity is in my community, that even talking about it is like an admission of guilt. Why are you angry about it/discussing it. Does that mean your not a virgin? Is this your way of covering it up?

Arghhhhh! That ignorant response is exactly what i’m talking about!

So for those guys who insist on asking..(Yes, I get asked)…Why is it any of your business????? From curious non-muslims: ‘so you’re a 25 year old virgin?’ to would-be suitors….Bugger-off would you?

In fact, my aunt told me something that has stayed with me for a long time. ‘All you youngsters talk of virginity, but that kissing-kissing business you do, that’s zinaa (fornication) too!’

Too true.

Ladies, preseve your chastity in the true form of the principle-not just in name. Making out, heavy petting, and other forms of physical contact are Zinaa too. Preserve your chastity for yourselves. Not for a hymen and a fear of the wedding night. For Allah and for your own sake.

Men, educate yourselves. And stop with the double standards. If your member is purple, why should it deserve a pious Muslimah?

Salaams.
Xx

This Is The Last Time

A cranberry muffin

Yumm...

How many of us have said that?

‘This is the last time …’

We all love issuing ultimatums.

To ourselves.

To our lovers.

To our family.

This is the last time…. I go on a weekend booze bender.’

‘This is the last time…. I pig out on muffins and pizza.’

‘This is the last time…. I will let him hit me.’

‘This is the last time…. you are going to cheat on me…’

‘Next time…next time I’m leaving.’

Sorry, but if you din’t leave the first time…you probably aren’t as good as your word.

When emotions/circumstances/situations come into play, you find yourself making excuses.

‘He didn’t really mean to hit me. He was just angry.’

‘He didn’t really want to cheat. That b**** tempted him.’

‘I will change. I will definitely stick to this diet.’

‘He will change. He will finally stop sticking his stick in every hole and commit to me.’

People don’t change.

Stop issuing ultimatums.

Just act already.

Leave that player.

Drop that muffin.

Go out and get a man who will cherish you.

…………….Emm…….what you still waiting for?

Ah I see………

Next time?

Marriage Scares the Pants Off Me

The Stepford Wives

Image by Wendelboe via Flickr

I don’t know if I want to get married.

Yes, yes, I know, Blasphemy!

Lol. Before you all get out the lynching squad. Read this post on diasporadical.wordpress.com The lady raises some insteresting points, not all of which I agree with.

Anyway, let me explain myself.

I always go into a decision/venture in life having weighed pros and cons. So I plan to do the same with marriage. Advantages and disadvantages.

Why don’t we start with the disadvantages of getting married? Let us delve right into the thick of things. The things that scare the pants off me:

1. Lifelong servitude

Yes, you heard me. I will have another human being (with other little human beings on the way) to cook for, to clean for, to look after. Sweaty socks to pick up, dirty underwear to laundry, a toilet seat perpetually up. Sigh.

2. Demands on my time and emotions.

After a day when I am bone weary, and tired to the tips of my soul, I have to come home and put on a happy face, smile, and play the role of dutiful wife. Listen to his concerns, make him feel cared for, happy and understood. Husband=Bonsai tree. Needs tender loving care,¬†attention and time. As a single gal, I balk at the thought of having to give up all of my spare time to another individual (s)! Spare time which until now, has been utilized in spa days, days at the salon, having long baths, filing my nails, exfoliatiating..and other such rewarding endeavours. LOL. Yes, I’m a wee bit selfish me reckons. BUT, I’m also just human. And who says I won’t get a self sufficient husband? A CACTUS? Who needs to be watered just a few times a year! And maybe one who also doesn’t mind my spa days? Who might infact collude with me in creating the ultimate Spa day – His and Hers massages? Heeeheee. A girl can dream.

3. My Lord and Master?

Having to listen to someone elses opinion on how I cut my hair, what clothes I wear, what time I eat/sleep, which friends to have, what to say and what NOT to say? HOW to say what to say?!!! Geee! Because apparently, once you are someones wife, you are an extension of that person. And what you do, reflects on them. So by default they get a say on how you act,eat,sleep….etc, you get my drift.

Sigh.

This I find the hardest.

You see, as a muslim, I am obligated to listen to my husband. BUT what if said husband has ridiculous demands? What if he is trying to erode my self worth? Trying to change me into his version of a stepford wife? His mother even?!!!

I don’t want to be one of those dull eyed women I see staring out of a window of an unmarked house as I walk past. Their husbands have eroded every last drop of individuality, creativity, spark, and sexiness from them. All thats left is¬†a shell of the¬†person she once was, she is now just¬†a¬†baby spurting, butt cleaning machine!

We have all seen it. ALL OF US. And we all look away politely, and smile.

And do not be fooled into thinking those women were weak. Hell NAWWWW. Nor did they get to that stage without a fight. They did not walk meekly to mousy housewife’s door without causing a ruckus. They tried to fight, tooth and claw,¬†and¬†tried to hold on to¬†the essence of who they are with all their might. But some of them, just lost. Because it was an unfair fight. One that was fixed¬†even before the game started.

Dirty tactics:

a) Family = Guilt.

*What will your mother/friends/sister in law/extended family sayyyyy if you just walk out? If you fight? Your mother will just tell you to have subra (patientce) Your father will tell you to suck it up. Your cousins will insist you HAVE a good man. So many girls wish they were so lucky, what with good men so hard to find!*

b) Fincancial emancipation = None. 

*Said husband will have covinced you not to go back to work. Or not to study. With honey sweet promises of looking after you forever. He will then proceed to hold the purse strings so tight, allowing you a very short leash with which to move about. He will further continue to pummel your self-esteem, so that you start to believe that you COULDN’T work anyways, who would¬†hire you? You could not have continued your studies-you aren’t that clever. If that fails, he will sabotage. Sabotage any attempts at going to work/making a living/studying. Try to get you pregnant, use guilt, use his mother as an ally. Anything.*

c) Allies=None

*He will make you get rid of your friends. One by one. Especially the supportive ones. The ones who encourage you to do better, to feel great, to look great. The ones who knew you when you were happy, and creative, and funny. The ones who keep asking you what you are doing chained to this loser who is draining away your happiness. He will say they are a ‘bad influence’ And one by one, they will fall away like autumn leaves. So that eventually, you will have no one you can turn to that isn’t on HIS side*

d) Mental subjugation=Gaslighting

Imagine. This actually happens. And I know a husband who actually used this on his wife. I could not be MORE appaled. He is a cunning bastard. And I know he probably read about it and decided to see if it works. For months, he continually psychologically damaged his wife. By making her think she was crazy. He would tell her something. And later when she mentioned it, he would tell her she was imagining it. With a very concerned look. He would say he was worried about her. He did it over and over, until she actually started to think she was going crazy. When she talked to me about it and I saw the fear in her eyes, I WAS SO MAD! That he could damage his wife so nonchalantly, just tore my heart up. And yes, she is STILL married to that idiot! Sigh.

Read up on it people. Click on the link. Its real. And highly disturbing.

Anyways, my point was…emm…what was it? Yes, having to answer to my ‘Lord and Master’, just does not seem appealing to me. I know you may think I’m having a Western perspective on this issue, wanting my husband to be my PARTNER. But, its not entirely Western. As a Muslim husband, you are meant to discuss things with your wife. Not order her about like a slave. Your wife is allowed to have financial freedom (bibi Khadijah R.A) She is allowed to pursue knowledge and even a career (bibi Aisha R.A)

May Allah give us all husbands who follow in the footsteps of RasulullAllah (S.A.W)

4. Career Sabotage

Children+career=not a good move. Always. You have to take time off work. I have heard of people working upto their due dates, and then going back to work a day or two after. It’s not unheard of. BUT mothers who do go back to work early/immediately after giving birth tend to be plagued with guilt.Most of them anyways. The rest are robots.

I would prefer to be a stay-at-home mum once I have children. That’s why I think having children is the equivalent of taking my career out back and stabbing it in the jugular. Inshallah when I do have children, I would hope my career is at a place where I can put things on hold for a few years . But you see, sperm sometimes manages to evade even the most effective birth control. Especially Spartan Sperm. You know one nasty bugger will swim past your coil saying ‘Laterzzzz Mother****er!!’, while another one will orchestrate a planned attack on your diaphram; Maybe enough of them pushing in one direction can loosen the diaphrams grip on your cervix, and hey presto!, the promised land. LOL. The pill? Ofcourse there will be the sperm who is on steroids or E, or Speed, basically so chemically messed up already, the pill trying to stop it is like pissing in the wind. He swims right by, while flexing his abnormally large, veined biceps ūüôā

What was my point? Oh yeah, Unplanned pregnancy. It happens. Career goes down the drain.

5. Second wives/Chips Funga

Why, oh why put myself up for eventual disappointment? Cheating from a boyfriend, maybe I can survive. But the father of my children? The man I gave up my smokin bod’ for in lieu of stretch marks and a fat arse? The man whose children I nursed until I got cracked nipples and mastitis?? Hell Nawwwww. You bring another wife or a side dish on the scene and I am out! I am not wasting another 20 years hoping you will change. Hoping that the next tasty morsel you sample will be your last. Until you bring me a disease, or death (God forbid!) Seriously. Men cheat. Very few don’t. And if yours IS staying faithful, be proud, be happy, but be vigilant. No having hot friends over for sexy sleepovers, no allowing girl mates, or work do’s that don’t include you. That brings me to my next point…

6. Working so hard to keep him

Why is it that I have to work hard to keep a man? What happened to all the energy the man invested in chasing me, and making me accept that ring on my finger? Now, he can sit on his arse, fart all day, scratch his balls, while I run around juggling 100 things in the air? Its like a mans work is done after he gets married. The womans work now starts for the rest of her life. I have to make sure I keep myself beautiful, interesting AND thin (even after birthing his 6 children!!). He on the other hand, can get a pot belly, and as long as he brings food on the table, his work is done. Eh? What happened to the romance? The gifts? The kind words and the sweet nothings? Now that you have me you think kazi kwisha? ALA??!!!

7. Losing ME

I have a problem. I disappear into the people that I love. I watched a movie about this once- ‘Runaway Bride’ And I thought: OMG that is SOOO exactly ME!!! When I care for someone, I just slowly morph into that person. I like what he likes, I think like he thinks. I wear that other person so compeletly, like a new set of clothes. And then eventually, I can’t tell where he began, and where I end. I can’t tell who I am, who I used to be even! And neither can he. So eventually,¬†we both¬†realize¬†that the person he fell in love with in the first place has disappeared.

I do this with my friends too.

Nowadays, I’m so terrified of being absorbed into other people, that I keep to myself a lot. I choose my friends VERY, VERY carefully. If I’m going to turn into my friends, I must pick friends that I wouldn’t MIND turning into.

Now with marriage then? 40/50 years later? Will I look like a fat , balding man scratching my ass??!! LOL!

7. Children

I am SO scared of having children. I feel like I’m not sure of who I am yet. And yet¬†I’m supposed to impart knowledge, and life skills to other individuals?? Bring them up to be sane, emotionally sound, caring and religious? Geeez!! I’m not sure I’M all those things! I am terminally afraid of bringing children into this world just so that I can **** them up.

8. That’s All folks

You know the drill, this one is for you. Add your own fears. Tell me what you think…

Now, after all that doom and gloom, Lets have a look at the advantages of getting married.

1. Lifelong partnership

Waking up with someone day in day out. Knowing that this person is here for you FOREVER. Having that stability. Knowing that someone LOVES you enough to spend the rest of their life with you. That they will take you for everything that you are. Good mood, crabby mood, happy, sad, rich or poor. Fat and pregnant, or slim and carefree. They will love you and stick by you through it all.

2. Sex on demand (if you are religious like me, marriage kind of equals sex. Because without that divine go ahead, these knees are staying closed :))

3. Children (again, only if you are religious)

I want babies! (Despite what I said before! LOL. And despite my post on UGLY BABIES! hehe)

4. Social Acceptance

In certain cultures (like MINE), you are incomplete without a man on your arm. He doesn’t have to be arm candy, he doesn’t even have to be financially stable. Once the clock starts ticking, and your sell by date starts approaching fast, your mothers and aunties will desperately send you off¬†with the highest (or any) bidder.

4. ummm, I’m slowly running out of advantages.

I’m sure there are more, and I really would sit here and scracth my head and come up with a few more. But I have to get to work in the next 20 minutes.

So all the readers out there, this is your homework. Please, please, please, for the sake of marriages everywhere, come up with a few more reasons to get married. The advantages MUST outweigh the disadvantages, lest I be forced to live my life out as an old bitter spinster.

Its all in your hands…hehe!

Kisses!

Ugly Babies

I know its not PC (Politically Correct) And I know ALL babies are supposed to be cute and cuddly by default. But damn! There are some ugly little ****ers out there!

(Sigh. I feel mean just typing this )

I’m just saying though….

Nature isn’t always kind.

Ugly + Ugly = Butt Ugly! Duh!

To every equation, there is an exception. And I find those exceptions an expression of God.

For the ugly couples that lucked out and got a semi-decent looking kid? ………….Wow.

You must feel like you won the lottery.

Okay, I’m done being mean. The guilt is corroding away at my soul. LOL.

Peace out peeps!

xo

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