The Glass Ceiling

Expectations.

When you realise what are your own.

And what are others.

I’m pulling out of the rats race.

I just don’t want to be a rat.

And I don’t want to race.

I want to be successful on my own terms.

Not what my mother or my peers deem as successful.

I am done.

 

We are a generation of women who have something to prove.

Our mothers, did not get to achieve their greatest dreams.

They neared the glass ceiling, but did not break it.

And so, on our shoulders do their expectations lie.

We need to be educated, well bred, respectable young ladies…. who can do it all.

Motherhood, career, success AND riches.

Yet, the glass ceiling has already BEEN shattered.

Albeit a little delayed in Kenya…but…

I do KNOW I can shatter any ceiling I want.

I just…don’t feel the need to.

 

Part of growing up is separating parental expectations, from your own expectations of yourself.

I don’t need to prove myself.

I can.

But I don’t have to.

 

Basically, all this spiel and over justification, is me trying to say: Its okay not to want it all.

xx

Women’s Wars

How many of you ladies get along better with men? *shoots hand up*

How many of you find other women bitchy at that time of the month? *shoots hand hiiiiigher up in the air*

How many have been on the receiving end of a stinging, highly unfair, tetchy remark from a female colleague? *waves hand about frantically*

What is it about women, that we bring out the cat (the nasty, streetwise one, with claws that can tear a man’s balls to shreds) in each other?

Why is it that we have this urge to compete. Compete with every last sweat drenched eyelash, until we have stomped the offending usurping other woman into the dust. Leaving a quivering, emotional wreck, that no other man would want, and no boss in their right mind would promote.

In work, in life. Women compete against each other. Visciously.

Men, step aside.

You probably haven’t even noticed it. Most likely because it goes on in a hidden world of subtle, underhanded jibes, digs and shoves, horrible enough to make a grown man weep. (Admittedly, several grown men have probably already wept at the hands of said women)

Its kind of a secret paralell universe that men don’t seem to pick up on. Like dog whistles to the human ear, the daily woman-woman combat is not perceptible to the male species.

Or maybe they do see it, and just choose not to seeeee it. Not that I blame them.

From sibling rivalry (which sister gets the most love, attention, and pretty clothes), to ‘healthy’ competition between friends for the highest salary, the hottest man, the best designer clothes; We ALL succumb to the Amazonian Wars.

Unfortunately, some of this fighting is far from healthy.

Take today for instance. A new member of staff joined our team at work. She was a pretty, young thang. And she inexplicably got my shackles up immeeeeeeediately. My initial thought on being introduced to her  was: ‘ugh she’s pretty’ (if you missed it, that was NOT a compliment)

Second thought was: ‘Ugh, they are going to be clamouring after her. Absolutely NO work will get done’

Now this may sound like the ravings of a jealous maniac, but I was genuinely concerned. For about 2 seconds.

I was mainly just upset that the attention would be drawn away from me!!!

Instead of being the nice, caring person that I am (Honest!) and showing her around, I was giving her daggers behind her back, and gossiping about her at the water cooler. Sigh.

Women!

What made my behavior even more appalling was that I was on the receiving end of such treatment not long ago. I was a newbie at work only 2 months ago! And the nice men on my team made the transition so easy, while the women…..well! The women! Hmph. They corroded my self worth in under 10 seconds flat. I spent the better part of a month picking up the tatters of my self esteem and sewing it back together, piece by painful piece.

Its so easy to get worked up and self-righteous when you are on the receiving end. But we are ever so quick to dish it out to others!

A female colleague recently gave me a dressing down in front of a room-full of seniors and fellow colleagues. The fact that I had shined brilliantly the day before, and made her ineptitude crystal clear (unintentionally) in front of the boss had absolutely nothing to do with it. Ahem. Yea right!

I would have put the incident down to normal work politics- only, I’ve never seen male colleagues viciously humiliate their peers with such relish. ‘Seek and Destroy’ missions are reserved only for our ruthless half of the species.

Instead of harping on about ‘sisterhood’ and ‘sisterly love’ , I will instead talk of ………….pretending.

Faking it.

If you can’t like your female colleagues. If you honestly just can’t be nice. If you want to claw your friend’s eyes out because she went and bought the same pair of shoes you LOVE, and deliberately wore them at your birthday shindig. PRETEND.

Just act like a loving, caring female.  And eventually, it will start to catch on.

Women will start loving each other unconditionally. They will stop treating each other like an inconveniece to be endured. They will help each other out. Start a ‘Girl code’, where they do NOT steal each others boyfriends or husbands.

There shall be world peace. And an end to world hunger and human suffering.

*Shakes Head*

I’d better get my head out of the clouds.

While I have been typing this, that new colleague is probably making eyes at the boss. Maybe I should too? Is she angling for a promotion? Heck, I haaaateed that her shoes looked so good on her! Sigh.

Get married-or else!

Why is it that marriage and babies beckons when a woman turns say…22+ (this age limit changes depending on culture, religion, location and many many other variables)

Why are we made to feel incomplete unless we are part of a pair?

Why is it that all our accomplishments – career wise, personal development, religion – whatever, amount to nothing if we don’t have a ring?(God Made Me a Woman, BintiM)

I am more than the ring on my finger, dammit! (or lack thereof)

I have enough disadvantages at work – (emm, being a WOMAN!) without adding a husband and babies to my plate at the moment, thank you very much.

Women at Work

Why can’t I just be a successful single gal? eh?? ehh???

If you can’t tell, I am on full rant mode.

I am so sick of people calling me a nurse at work. I’m a doctor dammit! I am sick of sexist ‘jokes’. No, it is not my time of the month. The reason why I am telling you off, is because you messed up! Not because of ‘hormones’ thank you very much. Do NOT tell me how to do my job. Do I need to remind you that I am your colleague? Just because you have a set of balls does not give you the right to lord over me.

Jesus!

In such a testosterone fuelled career such as medicine – I need all the leg-ups I can get. And being single at the moment, is one such advantage.

Yet, in the society we live in, singledom is as unattractive as having ‘FUGLY’ written in black, permanent ink accross your forehead.

No matter how empowered we get, how many glass ceilings we shatter, we are still mesmerized by this idea of marriage. Songs like Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ still makes on no.1 charts all over the world.

For fecks sake.

We can do better ladies.

I’m not saying I’m against the institution of marriage. Or that I do not want to get married. I am also NOT a lesbian.

I’m just saying I shall decide when I want to. And no amount of societal or family pressure shall push me into something I’m not ready for. I reserve the right to concentrate on my career. I reserve the right to be single AND a contributing member of society without the jeers, please.

UPDATE:

For the haters out there: No, this article does not mean that I do not want to be married. It just means I reserve the right not to want to. It’s for all of us slightly ‘older’ girls, who have been harassed by ‘antis’ trying to set us up. Who have felt the shame of eating with the 13 year old girls at family gatherings (having been relegated to the children’s table) because we’re unmarried and can’t be included in the married-women conversations. Its for all the girls whose accomplishments in life amount to nought, just because they are unmarried. Because marriage is valued above all else.

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