But hey, you guys know me by now.
I err, disappear for a while, and then suddenly WHAM! A mass of posts at once 🙂
This is my favourite silk shirt. I love the colour. It works well casual or formal.
Have you ever thought how much you are worth?
If you had to lay out your best attributes and features one by one.
How much do you think you would be worth?
Not monetary wise – but your worth.
Would you be a catch?
If so, what makes you think you ARE a catch?
What positive attributes do you think garner more value?
I was thinking about the past.
And how a certain ex, could have been considered by many as a very appealing or, if you will, worthy package.
However, it meant naught to me.
It was like having a massive, juicy burger in your hands.
Yet, you are craving a pizza.
No matter how nice that burger is. You just don’t feel like it.
You want a pizza!
But one persons pizza….is another persons burger.
I am beginning to talk in circles and metaphors – eek!
My point is… (yes, there was a point after all. Honest! ;-))…. we all have somebody out there for us.
Because our exact packaging, though not so weighty to some – may be incredibly valuable to others.
So ‘Excellent cook, listener, calm and quiet ‘ could be exactly what someone is looking for.
Whilst ‘ Noisy, adventurous, humorous and loves to travel’ could be somebody else’s dream husband.
Don’t sell yourself short.
You are worthy.
It’s all about a good sales pitch! 😉
I make people uncomfortable.
I don’t know why or how I do it.
I just do.
I’m a woman.
I also have a big Afro.
Did I mention I was African too?
A female, brown skinned, Muslim, afro sporting, Arab-African.
I just put so many different kinds of people on edge …it would be funny if it wasn’t a little tragic.
Why do people feel so affronted by what or who I am?
I find myself constantly explaining myself:
I am Kenyan. Yes. But I am Kenyan Arab. Yes, I am Arab by ethnicity. Originally my family were from the middle east.
I am not poor.
Even though I am African.
I am not oppressed. Even though I am a Muslim woman wearing Hijab.
I am not married. And I do not have 10 kids. *Grits teeth* Even though I am a Muslim woman wearing Hijab.
I will not straighten my hair. It grows out of my head this way.
Yes, I know I speak good English.
Yes, we have Muslims in Kenya.
Yes, *groan* my parents paid lots of money for my university education. Sorry to disappoint you I’m not poor. Even though I am African.
I spend my day deflecting these kind of questions.
Sometimes, I feel, wouldn’t it be easy, to try out being white and blonde for one day?
Just so that I can be the current post card version of what the world seems to deem ‘ideal’.
And then I remember its kind of fun being me.
It just so happens that I am many labels all at once.
And people have a field day trying to choose which label to ascribe to me each day.
Am I Muslim?
Or am I Muslim and Black?
Or am I Muslim and Arab?
Or am I an Educated Muslim Woman?
Or maybe today I am a poor African?
Maybe I should use that to my advantage 😉
Thats me 🙂 For my cousins wedding.
Basically, a new Hijab Evening Style.
You take your dress to the fabric store. Pick out fabric that matches the dress (mine was pink)
And then go to the salon to get the lady to pin it up in an elaborate Up-do.
You can add brooches (Like my gold one, because my dress had gold accents), or flowers, or whatever else takes your fancy.
Use different kinds of fabrics, glittery, satiny, silk etc etc
Basially, LOTS OF FUN!!!
So nowadays people seem to have such a modern take on relationships.
A good friend of mine just told me about how he definitely wants a wife to contribute to the running of the house and their lives.
Well that in and of itself is not a bad thing.
But the fact that he listed that as a requirement and was adamant that it was a necessity and a requirement of her. I had to protest.
Islamically, the roles in marriage are set out very clearly.
The man is the provider. It is his Wajib (compulsory) responsibility to provide for his wife and children.
The wive’s Wajib responsibility is to take care of the home, her husband and her children.
If the two decide, amongst each other, to help the other out, and blur the clear roles…that is due to the Iman and love that Allah has put between them.
Okay let me make myself more clear.
A husband is required to take care of his wife completely. Even if she works, whatever money she makes is hers and hers alone. She has no obligation to pay electricity bills or buy a fridge or even milk and bread.
IF she decides she wants to help her husband and her children and work as a team, that is entirely up to her. And she will do that out of Iman and love.
In the same vein, the husbands role is to provide. Not to look after the children and change diapers. IF however he decides to help feed the baby because his wife was up all night with the child, then that is from his Iman and love.
The clear roles are defined so that there is no miscommunication. No ill feelings. No resentment.
If one decides to go above and beyond those roles, it is looked on favourably by the other spouse and acknowledged as the him/her having made an extra effort.
For example, if I work and with my money, I pay the bills, and the mortgage. I want my husband to acknowledge that I am helping him. And that I am a good wife, doing this out of love.
In the same vein, if he does the laundry and the dishes and feeds the baby, I will be grateful, and acknowledge that he is a wonderful husband.
I will not thank him every single day he goes to work to provide for his family, in the same way he will not have to thank me each time I change a nappy and for having given birth to our child. It is our respective duties and what is expected.
I don’t know if I am being clear enough.
I want an Islamic Marriage. With all its trappings.
I want a husband like Rasulullah (S.A.W) who would help out around the house and darn his own clothes.
I want to be a wife like bibi Khadija (R.A) who was independent and worked, and initially supported her husband when it was necessary.
People may call that modern? I call it an Islamic Marriage.
I will not bend to todays popular version of what is acceptable or a la mode or fashionable in a marriage.
Today, it is feminist rights, and being exactly EQUAL to a man.
Tomorrow, women may be screaming its actually their right to be taken care of by the man when they are pregnant and not HAVE to work or contribute.
Popular opinion, and societies view of what is popular and acceptable in relationships will change. It changes all the time.
This whole feminist approach is tres new. A few decades ago, it wasn’t there. And a few decades later, it may be scrapped and people may start a hue and cry about something else.
Just because it is popular, doesn’t mean its The Definitive Truth and what I have to want/follow.
Islam is timeless.
Regardless of what is a la mode.
So for now, I choose an Islamic Marriage.
Please lets stop getting caught up with what we see in movies, and what we are brainwashed to believe relationships and marriages are about.
Unless you want multiple affairs, mistresses, divorces within days (a la Kim Kardashian)….then you can go ahead and follow your latest ROMCOM movie for relationship advice.
Otherwise, I would recommend you choose for yourself which kind of relationship you want.
And go back to Islamic principles.
May Allah give me, and all others the right kind of partner, ambaye ana kheri na mimi (who is Kheir for me)
I love random hijabs. This hijab I like because the pattern (close up) looks like ice cream cones.
The trousers were a bargain from Gap. They were in the Christmas sale for 15 pounds. Down from 45 pounds. Bargain, yes? 😛
They were long, so I had to hem them…and I HATE hemming!
But I recently discovered ‘Magic Hemming Tape’, which has now given me the licence to shop in the Sales section..without worrying about looking for Petite sizes!
Previously, I only found petite trousers SOMETIMES in Gap, River Island, Dorothy Perkins and Next. The key word being SOMETIMES. LOL. Usually the best/most fashionable trousers are only available in ‘Long’. Grr.
Most of us are SHORT dammit! Why don’t they provide for us?
Besides, Im not THAT short. (5’1 isn’t thaaat short. Honest!)
My taller friend has a problem in that she is too tall for ‘short’ trousers. And too short for ‘tall’ trousers. She falls somewhere in between. Again, the magic hemming tape came to the rescue.
You basically just iron it on.
And if you hate sewing (like me) or, you’re too busy (like me) …this will be a time saver.
Costs like 2 pounds from Tesco. Look in the sewing section (in the beauty aisles)
Aaaanyway, here’s the outfit.
Again, was rushing out the door to work. So don’t be too harsh 😛 I promise I shall get better at self-taken pics. *Pause* *Insert self-deprecating humour* :p
(Hijab: HnM 10 pounds, TShirt: Zara 12 pounds, Cardigan: HnM 9 pounds, Trousers: Gap 15 pounds, Leopard print flats, not pictured, 15 pounds Claires)
So this is my ‘Bargain Of The Week’
Its a beautiful silk dress from Banana Republic. Originally 98 pounds. I got it for the bargain price of….*drum roll* 13 pounds.
PS: Please ignore the grainy pics. I was walking out the door to go to work.