So nowadays people seem to have such a modern take on relationships.
A good friend of mine just told me about how he definitely wants a wife to contribute to the running of the house and their lives.
Well that in and of itself is not a bad thing.
But the fact that he listed that as a requirement and was adamant that it was a necessity and a requirement of her. I had to protest.
Islamically, the roles in marriage are set out very clearly.
The man is the provider. It is his Wajib (compulsory) responsibility to provide for his wife and children.
The wive’s Wajib responsibility is to take care of the home, her husband and her children.
If the two decide, amongst each other, to help the other out, and blur the clear roles…that is due to the Iman and love that Allah has put between them.
Okay let me make myself more clear.
A husband is required to take care of his wife completely. Even if she works, whatever money she makes is hers and hers alone. She has no obligation to pay electricity bills or buy a fridge or even milk and bread.
IF she decides she wants to help her husband and her children and work as a team, that is entirely up to her. And she will do that out of Iman and love.
In the same vein, the husbands role is to provide. Not to look after the children and change diapers. IF however he decides to help feed the baby because his wife was up all night with the child, then that is from his Iman and love.
The clear roles are defined so that there is no miscommunication. No ill feelings. No resentment.
If one decides to go above and beyond those roles, it is looked on favourably by the other spouse and acknowledged as the him/her having made an extra effort.
For example, if I work and with my money, I pay the bills, and the mortgage. I want my husband to acknowledge that I am helping him. And that I am a good wife, doing this out of love.
In the same vein, if he does the laundry and the dishes and feeds the baby, I will be grateful, and acknowledge that he is a wonderful husband.
I will not thank him every single day he goes to work to provide for his family, in the same way he will not have to thank me each time I change a nappy and for having given birth to our child. It is our respective duties and what is expected.
I don’t know if I am being clear enough.
I want an Islamic Marriage. With all its trappings.
I want a husband like Rasulullah (S.A.W) who would help out around the house and darn his own clothes.
I want to be a wife like bibi Khadija (R.A) who was independent and worked, and initially supported her husband when it was necessary.
People may call that modern? I call it an Islamic Marriage.
I will not bend to todays popular version of what is acceptable or a la mode or fashionable in a marriage.
Today, it is feminist rights, and being exactly EQUAL to a man.
Tomorrow, women may be screaming its actually their right to be taken care of by the man when they are pregnant and not HAVE to work or contribute.
Popular opinion, and societies view of what is popular and acceptable in relationships will change. It changes all the time.
This whole feminist approach is tres new. A few decades ago, it wasn’t there. And a few decades later, it may be scrapped and people may start a hue and cry about something else.
Just because it is popular, doesn’t mean its The Definitive Truth and what I have to want/follow.
Islam is timeless.
Regardless of what is a la mode.
So for now, I choose an Islamic Marriage.
Please lets stop getting caught up with what we see in movies, and what we are brainwashed to believe relationships and marriages are about.
Unless you want multiple affairs, mistresses, divorces within days (a la Kim Kardashian)….then you can go ahead and follow your latest ROMCOM movie for relationship advice.
Otherwise, I would recommend you choose for yourself which kind of relationship you want.
And go back to Islamic principles.
May Allah give me, and all others the right kind of partner, ambaye ana kheri na mimi (who is Kheir for me)
- Marriage – The Right Choice (muslimahsa.wordpress.com)
- Mutaah Marriage (hifzanshafiee.wordpress.com)