A few lessons I’ve picked up along the way from eejots (idiots) I have met in my travels. Enjoy.
1. Stand in an alley, dressed in a massive beard, a kanzu and kofia (full Islamic dress) screaming Arabic epithets into the phone, all the while pacing back and forth.
What is Likely to happen: Missing persons list
2. Sit in a bar, reading a newspaper nonchalantly, all the while discussing how the men intently watching the semi-finals of a random championship/tournament are eeeejots.
What is likely to happen: Bar fight, broken face, police record.
3. Shove a vibrator up your *** so far, you need emergency surgery to get it out. Also you may not want your first words once the anesthetic wears off to be a request for said vibrator.
What is likely to happen: Never, ever, ever being able to go to any other doctor in the country who has not hear about it. Even if you just need cough syrup.
4. Scratch your balls energetically in my presence, especially when my face is level with said location (umm, I was sitting down looking at a computer screen, eejot in question was standing next to me)
What is likely to happen: Knee. In. Groin.
5. Watch BodyTv or any other such SOFT PORN nonsense masquerading as workout videos and then pretend you are learning fitness tips. Especially if you are my significant other. There is a reason the camera focuses on Zuzanas boobs when she is doing sit ups. And NO, it is not for you to learn proper technique and form.
What is likely to happen: Laptop + 5th story window.
6. Sleep with a nurse. Or a medical student. Or a fellow doctor. Or even the cleaner on the ward.
What is likely to happen: We will all know what you’re (not) packing. *waggles little finger*
7. Light up a cigarette, while sniffing aerosols
What is likely to happen: Natural Selection.
8. Agree to walk a random kido to the bus stop
What is likely to happen: Atypical Tuesdays
9. Drink too much at the annual Christmas party
What is likely to happen: Resignation letter. Yours.
10. Run for president in Africa – You’re opponent is likely to either a) Rig the elections b) Kill all the opposition including you c) forcibly take over using the threat of the deadlock erupting into wide scale violence. Ivory Coast or Kenya, different country, same eejots running for president.
What is likely to happen: Different eejot at the helm, possibly two eejots at the helm. No change for the mwananchi (citizens)
Go forth and be merry.