Beautiful People

Beautiful.

Inside and out.

An Angel.

Allah made you so.

 

Would that I could

Be even a little like you.

You held my hand.

When no one else could.

You wiped away my tears.

When no one else would.

 

Would that I could.

Show you.

How much that meant to me.

 

I could never,

Ever,

Ever.

Thank you enough.

إدعيلي‎

Marriage Woes

Women keep complaining to me about unhappy marriages.

Khalaas.

I am tired.

Lol.

Really tho!

I am an unmarried young Muslim girl. Who still has rosy ideas about marriage and romance.

But every one of my friends, or aunties, or acquaintances feels the need to tell me the intimate, horrid details of their failed or failing marriages.

Le sigh.

I honestly, do not invite these disclosures.

Yes, I like to help. And I will offer a sympathetic ear.

And yes, I love my friends and will help them as much as I can, when they come to me with their problems.

But really though, its scaring me about marriage!!!

Also, what do I know? Im not married myself! What qualifies me to advise them?

Abusive relationships, cheating husbands, second wives, miserly husbands, intimacy issues….are just a FEW of the issues I have been trying to ‘help’ with.

Inshallah I will continue to do as best as I can to listen (because above all this is what  people need most) And Allah has given me this opportunity to do some good, and help in whichever way I can.

But …*sob*….its putting the fear of God in me regarding marriage.

My mum says everyone’s luck is different.

And honestly, in my head, I accept the truth of that statement.

In reality though, I am worried, worried, worried.

And I have even found myself thinking, well marriage is not COMPULSORY in Islam.

Its half of the Deen, yes.

And well, it can be kind of awesome to have a partner in your life.

But its not the end all and be all.

Lol.

Allah y’aalam.

Let me have Subra. And what will be will be.

May Allah help my friends and family, and all those undergoing marriage difficulties. Give them subra and improve the relationship between those husbands and wives.

*Okay I’m done ranting now* Lol.

Islamic Medicine

I wonder, if anyone has ever thought of opening Muslim Medical Clinics in the UK?

I was talking to another doctor friend, and we were discussing sexual or marriage counselling, and other services offered by the NHS (National Health Service). However, some of these services as they are now, would be inappropriate for specific issues facing Muslims. Some of the services would be better if tailored to Muslims.

I googled it.

And voila.

There is one such clinic in Maryland US.

If I was in Maryland right now, I would volunteer straight away! (I am a doctor)\

It is such an honourable and inspired idea!

http://mccmdclinic.org/

I am going to continue to explore the viability of starting up a similar clinic in UK. To serve the Muslim community.

Yes, we have the NHS which is free.

But sometimes, it would for example be great to have a female doctor examine you. To get advice regarding marital and sexual issues from another Muslim who may be more sensitive to the specific issues facing Muslim communities. To be able to get advice on smear tests, young girls to be advised on sexual matters and other sensitive medical matters. To offer counselling and advice re: Marital, sexual, and abuse issues.

I am sure there must be SOME such organisations and services.

However, I am sure they are community-centric. In other words, there will be services for the Bengali community. Or the Somali community. Or the Arab community. Not to generalise, but from what I have seen, in the UK, a lot of mosques and Islamic services are segregated based on culture.

We have so many Muslim and Asian doctors and nurses in the UK.

We could easily set up something similar to the Maryland Clinic.

Feel free to contact with me with tips and advice. If you are a medic/nurse/paramedic or have any medical background, your input and advice would be greatly welcomed.

SunniPath – The Online Islamic Academy

SunniPath

Sunni Path

I cannot more strongly advise, encourage or recommend this site.

Mashallah it is what we have all been waiting for.

Instead of sitting back and complaining about lack of knowledge, the evil of the internet, sheiks who are not modern and are falling behind the culture of today and thus not able to advise us…..

Some wonderful people have created SunniPath.

There are online lectures and courses. Places where you can post questions.

About everything and anything.

Sexual Intimacy.

Marriage, family and divorce.

Menses and Womens questions.

Answered by scholars using Quran and Hadith and Sunnah.

Educate yourselves. Arm yourselves with knowledge.

http://qibla.com/

http://spa.qibla.com/

🙂

xx

Having More Than One Wife In Islam

Symbol of Islam, the name of Allah, simplified...

So I have just had a discussion with some of my friends.

And they raised an issue that is often the heated topic of choice in many ‘girl talk’ sessions.

Should a man be allowed to have more than one wife. Islamically.

If you were a woman, whose husband wanted a second wife, would you agree?

What would you say? What would you think?

Islamically, what is the ruling on this.

A hot topic, yes?

It is also one of the favourite topics Non-Muslims use to highlight the supposed ‘neathanderal’ attitudes of Islamic culture.

In any case, here are the some of the issues we talked about. (Using a fictional discussion amongst fictional characters of course 😉 )

Three girls sat around the kitchen table having coffee, and a much needed catch up session. The topic of Polygamy in Islam comes up.

Aisha: I WOULD NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE  A SECOND WIFE. Never. Ever. Ever. I would die before I let that happen. I would leave him. I would not stand for it. Ever.

Hajra: Well, aren’t you Muslim though?

Aisha: Well Of course I am.

Hajra: In that case, in Surat Nisa it says:

“… marry women of your choice, two, three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…(Surah al-Nisa, 3).

Hence it is allowed! How can you call yourself a Muslim, if you don’t agree with what is in the Quran? You cannot pick and choose what you like in Islam.

Aisha: Weeell. I still wouldn’t be able to handle it. Honestly and truly. I just couldn’t do it. Allow my husband to sleep with another wife? Allow her to live with us for example? Allow him to look after her children as well. I know myself. I would not be able to.

Rabiyah: Okay. Well, none of you have mentioned the criteria. The requirements. In the ayah it says that a man should be able to treat all of his wives equally. And only IF he can do this, is when he is allowed to marry more than one wife. Men are human. There is no way they can treat all the wives equally. Allah knows this. Which is why he put the requirement in place. To dissuade men from going around and marrying wives left right and centre.

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “A man who has two wives and he does not deal justly with them will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.” (Sunan Tirmizi, no. 1141)

If he buys butter in one household, then he must buy butter in the other household. Not margarine. If one wife has a car, then the other should have one as well. The number of nights should be shared equally with the wives. The wifely duties should be distributed equally.

If a man can truly do this, then and only then is he allowed to marry more than one wife. If he is not financially capable of maintaining all the wives in an an equal manner, or not emotionally able to be fair between them, then he should stay with just the one wife.

ALSO, there are reasons. There should, ideally, be specific reasons for a man to go out and marry a second wife.

If she is ill.

If she is unable to bear children.

If she cannot meet his sexual needs because of illness.

Genuine. Real. Reasons.

Not randomly, because he has seen a ‘hot  piece of ass’ and feels like he can go ahead and enjoy life by having more than one woman.

Aisha: Even with all the reasons you have listed. I would still not be able to handle it! Because after all, he has promised to be with me through thick and thin. Just because I am ill, he decides he wants another wife? And throws me to the curb? I just would not be able to tolerate it. At all!

Hajra: Well, even you, as a woman, you have similar rights. If your husband is impotent, or he has an illness and can not look after you, you are allowed Islamically to ask for a divorce and get another husband. But if you choose to have subra, and stay and work things out and look after your husband, your reward of course will be from Allah. And that may be better for you. The same goes for a man.  Yes he is allowed a second wife if his first wife is ill or cannot meet her wifely duties. However, if he chooses to have subra and stay with his one wife, Inshallah that may be better for him.

Rabeya: I think, I think, and I may be wrong. But, men are created differently compared to women. They may have a stronger sexual drive. And perhaps weakness when it comes to women. So Allah has created this caveat. This ‘clause’ so to speak. To allow for this ‘weakness’. Would you rather your man went out and cheated on you with a hundred women, as they do in the Western world? Or would you rather he made the young girl respectable? Married her and looked after her.

A lot of women don’t mind the extra help. It means company. There are two of you. You work together to look after the household and your husband and your children. I know saying that is controversial. And a lot of people may label me ..I don’t know…ignorant or oppressed or brainwashed for having such ideas. But Polygamy is not a new concept. It has been practiced in many cultures across the world for centuries, and still is! It has been devilised by the Western world. Yet look at their society; Divorce, affairs, mistresses. Well, at least a higher rate of. Because even in Muslim societies those things exist.

And also, its not to say there will be no difficulties. There will be jealousy. Potential strife. Disagreements.

However, that doesn’t mean it can’t work. Or you should dismiss it because it does not fall in line with your ‘feminist’ views of the world.

Aisha: I am not being feminist as you say. I am just saying what would or would not work for me. I am an individual at the end of the day. And what works for one individual may not work for another. Some women may be happy with that kind of situation. I must say, I am not one of those. And I have clearly stated to my husband; If he marries another wife, I will leave him.

Rabeya: Subhanallah. But I do see your point about you being an individual. Fair enough.

Hajrah: Yes, I see your point. And besides its easier said than done. Saying : ‘A man can marry more than one wife’ in theory, is all well and good. But when it is YOUR husband, it is a different matter all together. And the subra, and strength, and Iman it takes, is not a small thing. And I truly believe for the women who manage to accept this, and live with their husbands and co-wives well, their reward is with Allah and He recognises and sees the sacrifice they have made.

Aisha: In any case. Allah knows best.

Hajra: Yes, all we can do is pray that we are doing the right thing. And leave the rest to Allah.

Aisha: Yeah. But I would kill him. If he did that. I really would.

*All Laugh*

Rabeya: Staghfirullah!

*More peals of laughter*

My views and that of my friends may be flawed. But it is from the little knowledge we have, from the little we have gleaned from our parents relationships, our friends marriages and what we have seen around us. Insha’allah, may Allah guide us all towards the righteous path. And keep us from Naar and protect us all. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, or add to the discussion. I welcome any new knowledge, Hadiths, Ayahs.

🙂

Smooches!

The Quilted Dream

‘Allahu Akbar Allah Akbar’
The call to prayer reverberates in the air.
Shimmering through the sunlight.
Gliding past lace curtains, through windows and open doors.
To rest lightly on the ears and hearts of the beloved faithful.

Asha leans her head back against the turquoise window sill
The fluttering lace curtain tickles her face.
A humid breeze languidly strokes her cheek.
The call to prayer is her favourite song.
With a stirring deep in her heart,she answers back the call softly:
‘La haula wa laa quwwata illa billah’

A heavy sigh escapes her lips.
And as her eyes flit over the landscape of rooftops from her vantage point, she feels her heart twang in symphony with the call.

Almost like it’s calling out to her personally.

‘Come out here Asha.’
‘Come pray.’
‘Come live.’
‘Come and be.’

Shaking her head to disperse the pointless musings of her restless heart, Asha goes to make ‘Wudh’u’: ablutions for her noon prayer.

 There is no time for silly thoughts.There are prayers to be made. Cooking to be done. And she has to get back to the office soon.

As she walks out she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Full lips. Almond shaped twinkiling brown eyes. Curly wisps of hair have escaped from the confines of her professional hair bun and fall prettily accross her shoulders. ‘I have a beautiful face’ she muses. And as she turns to walk out of the room, ‘And a generous behind too! That is after all, my African heritage!’

Asha is half black. Half Arab.

She is a black Arab. Or an Arab African.

Caught between two worlds.

…..To Be Continued….

Hijabi Fashion

Mannequin doll head with a black hijab headsca...

I’m thinking of diversifying the blog. And adding content that I am interested in also. Like fashion.

Not in the catwalk and design kind of fashion.

But the everyday, how to pick an outfit from the high street and make it hijabi.

How to make that Zara top work for an evening out. Or that beautiful skirt suitable for work…as a HIJABI.

In U.K….its sometimes SO difficult to make an outfit appropriate.

If you see a nice top, you have to start thinking of a matching scarf, what long trousers/skirt you can wear it with, whether you need an inside top (to add sleeves) or an outside top (if said top is too tight and you need to cover the outside)

Basically putting together a Hijabi outfit in a non-Muslim country is an art form.

In countries like Egypt and Dubai, there are many shops that sell hijabs or extra sleeves or outer tops etc  which basically make a hijabis life easier. So you can design your entire outfit in one shop! Unthinkable for the UK!

So I was thinking of doing a series of posts about different trends that are in season in the high street. What to get where and the prices. And how to put them together into a set of Hijabi looks.

It can be a weekly segment.

What do you guys think?

Also, I can do a featured ‘Hijabi Of The Week’ post. So you can send me pictures of your outfit and how you put it together?

Hmm.

Well, its an idea.

If I don’t do it here, I might do it as a seperate blog. Maybe. Possibly.

Lol.

We’ll see. :p

Peace.

The Modern Muslim

Londonistan: How Britain is Creating a Terror ...

You may think a lot of Muslims are ‘modern’ nowadays.

You may assume that a lot of us chill in bars and discos and smoke or drink.

Perhaps we have girlfriends and boyfriends and ‘life partners’

This may be partially true, however there is a strong undercurrent of a different kind of new age Muslim.

Who has information at his fingertips.

Quraan downloaded on his ipod, podcasts of his favourite Sheikh’s lectures, and online lectures at an Islamic University.

Educated.

Young.

and Muslim.

The Modern Muslim, is an empowered Muslim.

The Extremely Moderate Muslim

Hadith Oliyankara Juma Masjid

As Muslims, our religion and self-image have been dragged through the gutters since 9-11.

We are terrorists. We are evil. We are Arab men with gutteral accents and big beards with even bigger guns. We are inhumane. We kill innocent women and children. In fact we hate women. We are basically the Armageddon and the Devil and the Axis of Evil, all rolled into one.

That is what is being shoved down our throats on a daily basis.

Movies.

Media.

Newspapers.

Airports.

Profiling.

Basically everywhere you turn, we are being stoned, boo-d, and heckled for being Muslim.

Now, Muslims have responded to this atrocious assault at our faith in different ways.

Some have become more devoted. Learnt all the passages in the Quran and Hadith relevant to making astute counter arguments when having to defend Islam against any nay-sayers.

Some have learnt to live with it. Just developed thick skin and learnt to turn the other cheek.

Others have chosen to bury their heads under the sand. Denial City. If I cannot see all the hate and the insults and affronts to my religious beliefs, maybe they will….go away?

And finally, some have decided to go down the ‘Moderate Path’

Idiot: (To generic brown man) ‘Hey you! Osama! ‘ *Cackles*

Brown man: ‘Who? Me? Nah mein! My name is A-dawg!’ (It’s actually Ahmed)

Idiot: ‘You are..are..a terrorist! (Best insult he can think of) Go back to where you came from!’

Brown man: ‘ No, no. I’m one of the ‘good’ Muslims. I don’t do any of that crazy shit. I’m cool. Look! *Downs a beer* See? Look, look! *Grabs a girl’s ass* Don’t you see??? I am totally for gays. And for lesbians too. Even though I don’t swing that way. I also love women’s rights! I don’t mind if a woman is a stripper, or wants to wear underwear as outerwear! I am one of you!’

Okay, so I am exaggerating a little.

But lately, I have noticed that we go to great lengths to make non-Muslims more comfortable in our presence.

And if that means saying: ‘I’m okay with gays!’

Or: ‘I don’t mind if you drink beer while I just sit here and watch and get bored’

We are basically trying so hard to say: ‘I am not a terrorist. I am not like them. I am a moderate, normal Muslim.’

Moderation is recommended in Islam. In fact it is lauded. By Hadith and Sunnah.

The problem is when people take moderation too far.

In trying so hard to blend in , and be LESS OBTRUSIVELY MUSLIM, we forget who are.

We become pseudo Muslim.

Be wary the path you choose to walk down.

You may make your co-workers less uncomfortable.

You may feel better about yourself because that brain-washing from T.V has started to make you question if you are actually as evil as they claim.

You may even make more friends and have more fun this way. (After all, GayBestFriends look like soooo much fun on T.V)

But do it with self-awareness.

Accept that you are now a fraud.

A shell of what you once were.

An ‘Extremely Moderate Muslim’

Blood, Sweat And Tears

Barbie Doll Museum at Bloomingdale's

We are born with a clean slate.

But within minutes, our families lay heaps and heaps of societal responsibility on our heads.

I am an angry Muslim girl.

Not because I am angry at God.

But because I am angry at society.

From the day a mum buys her daughter a Barbie doll.

Or the day a little girl’s brother laughs at her for trying to play football with his friends…

Messages are being downloaded direct into her hardware.

Like a little ticking virus bomb.

Waiting for the right time to explode.

Infecting the system. Drive by drive.

‘You are a girl. You must behave a certain way.’

We mostly don’t realize this.

How controlled we are.

How bloody brainwashed we are.

How caged we are.

………….Or maybe its just me……..

Society ingrains in us that we have to follow a specific mould.

Any deviation from that and we are relegated pariahs. Outcasts. Treated badly to set an example…so that none of the others follow your deviant, devilish ways.

It’s human nature. The ‘Pack mentality’.

Blending in keeps you alive. Sticking out, well it singles you out to predators, and you endanger the whole community.

Except we do not live in a jungle any more.

Doesn’t matter which society you think about..each has its own unwritten rules and regulations. A code of conduct written in blood, sweat and tears.

How many of us follow these rules without even thinking twice………..?

……………I know I am being a bit vague, forgive me.

I am trying to decide what path my life will take.

And I feel bound by the shackles of what society expects me to do.

What’s worse, is that these shackles are not even real.

I can break them any time I want.

I can go off to Rio, and become a dancer if I want. (For example)

But the little seeds of propaganda planted in my brain from day 1…keep holding me back.

Nobody is TELLING me I can’t do what I want.

But my own conscience is holding me back.

What will society think?

What will my family think?

What will they all saaaay?

Brave are the souls who decide to take the path less travelled.

They throw caution to the wind. And watch it burn.

These, these are the founders of tomorrow.

Rule breakers.

Trend setters.

Labelled crazy, loco!

But eventually, lauded as the inventors, trend setters, and physicists of tomorrow!

I do not aspire to be the next Einstein or Van Gogh.

Only to live my dreams to the fullest.

Without being encumbered by the collective gasp of societal disapproval.

I CHOOSE to travel.

I CHOOSE to not be married (right now)

I CHOOSE to work.

I CHOOSE to be educated.

I CHOOSE to be different.

I CHOOSE a partner you do not expect me to.

I CHOOSE to be an Independent Muslim Woman.

I CHOOSE to throw caution to the wind.

Because it is my prerogative.

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road Less Travelled, by Robert Frost

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