Islamic Medicine

I wonder, if anyone has ever thought of opening Muslim Medical Clinics in the UK?

I was talking to another doctor friend, and we were discussing sexual or marriage counselling, and other services offered by the NHS (National Health Service). However, some of these services as they are now, would be inappropriate for specific issues facing Muslims. Some of the services would be better if tailored to Muslims.

I googled it.

And voila.

There is one such clinic in Maryland US.

If I was in Maryland right now, I would volunteer straight away! (I am a doctor)\

It is such an honourable and inspired idea!

http://mccmdclinic.org/

I am going to continue to explore the viability of starting up a similar clinic in UK. To serve the Muslim community.

Yes, we have the NHS which is free.

But sometimes, it would for example be great to have a female doctor examine you. To get advice regarding marital and sexual issues from another Muslim who may be more sensitive to the specific issues facing Muslim communities. To be able to get advice on smear tests, young girls to be advised on sexual matters and other sensitive medical matters. To offer counselling and advice re: Marital, sexual, and abuse issues.

I am sure there must be SOME such organisations and services.

However, I am sure they are community-centric. In other words, there will be services for the Bengali community. Or the Somali community. Or the Arab community. Not to generalise, but from what I have seen, in the UK, a lot of mosques and Islamic services are segregated based on culture.

We have so many Muslim and Asian doctors and nurses in the UK.

We could easily set up something similar to the Maryland Clinic.

Feel free to contact with me with tips and advice. If you are a medic/nurse/paramedic or have any medical background, your input and advice would be greatly welcomed.

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Having More Than One Wife In Islam

Symbol of Islam, the name of Allah, simplified...

So I have just had a discussion with some of my friends.

And they raised an issue that is often the heated topic of choice in many ‘girl talk’ sessions.

Should a man be allowed to have more than one wife. Islamically.

If you were a woman, whose husband wanted a second wife, would you agree?

What would you say? What would you think?

Islamically, what is the ruling on this.

A hot topic, yes?

It is also one of the favourite topics Non-Muslims use to highlight the supposed ‘neathanderal’ attitudes of Islamic culture.

In any case, here are the some of the issues we talked about. (Using a fictional discussion amongst fictional characters of course 😉 )

Three girls sat around the kitchen table having coffee, and a much needed catch up session. The topic of Polygamy in Islam comes up.

Aisha: I WOULD NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE  A SECOND WIFE. Never. Ever. Ever. I would die before I let that happen. I would leave him. I would not stand for it. Ever.

Hajra: Well, aren’t you Muslim though?

Aisha: Well Of course I am.

Hajra: In that case, in Surat Nisa it says:

“… marry women of your choice, two, three, or four, but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one…(Surah al-Nisa, 3).

Hence it is allowed! How can you call yourself a Muslim, if you don’t agree with what is in the Quran? You cannot pick and choose what you like in Islam.

Aisha: Weeell. I still wouldn’t be able to handle it. Honestly and truly. I just couldn’t do it. Allow my husband to sleep with another wife? Allow her to live with us for example? Allow him to look after her children as well. I know myself. I would not be able to.

Rabiyah: Okay. Well, none of you have mentioned the criteria. The requirements. In the ayah it says that a man should be able to treat all of his wives equally. And only IF he can do this, is when he is allowed to marry more than one wife. Men are human. There is no way they can treat all the wives equally. Allah knows this. Which is why he put the requirement in place. To dissuade men from going around and marrying wives left right and centre.

Sayyiduna Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “A man who has two wives and he does not deal justly with them will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment with half his body paralysed.” (Sunan Tirmizi, no. 1141)

If he buys butter in one household, then he must buy butter in the other household. Not margarine. If one wife has a car, then the other should have one as well. The number of nights should be shared equally with the wives. The wifely duties should be distributed equally.

If a man can truly do this, then and only then is he allowed to marry more than one wife. If he is not financially capable of maintaining all the wives in an an equal manner, or not emotionally able to be fair between them, then he should stay with just the one wife.

ALSO, there are reasons. There should, ideally, be specific reasons for a man to go out and marry a second wife.

If she is ill.

If she is unable to bear children.

If she cannot meet his sexual needs because of illness.

Genuine. Real. Reasons.

Not randomly, because he has seen a ‘hot  piece of ass’ and feels like he can go ahead and enjoy life by having more than one woman.

Aisha: Even with all the reasons you have listed. I would still not be able to handle it! Because after all, he has promised to be with me through thick and thin. Just because I am ill, he decides he wants another wife? And throws me to the curb? I just would not be able to tolerate it. At all!

Hajra: Well, even you, as a woman, you have similar rights. If your husband is impotent, or he has an illness and can not look after you, you are allowed Islamically to ask for a divorce and get another husband. But if you choose to have subra, and stay and work things out and look after your husband, your reward of course will be from Allah. And that may be better for you. The same goes for a man.  Yes he is allowed a second wife if his first wife is ill or cannot meet her wifely duties. However, if he chooses to have subra and stay with his one wife, Inshallah that may be better for him.

Rabeya: I think, I think, and I may be wrong. But, men are created differently compared to women. They may have a stronger sexual drive. And perhaps weakness when it comes to women. So Allah has created this caveat. This ‘clause’ so to speak. To allow for this ‘weakness’. Would you rather your man went out and cheated on you with a hundred women, as they do in the Western world? Or would you rather he made the young girl respectable? Married her and looked after her.

A lot of women don’t mind the extra help. It means company. There are two of you. You work together to look after the household and your husband and your children. I know saying that is controversial. And a lot of people may label me ..I don’t know…ignorant or oppressed or brainwashed for having such ideas. But Polygamy is not a new concept. It has been practiced in many cultures across the world for centuries, and still is! It has been devilised by the Western world. Yet look at their society; Divorce, affairs, mistresses. Well, at least a higher rate of. Because even in Muslim societies those things exist.

And also, its not to say there will be no difficulties. There will be jealousy. Potential strife. Disagreements.

However, that doesn’t mean it can’t work. Or you should dismiss it because it does not fall in line with your ‘feminist’ views of the world.

Aisha: I am not being feminist as you say. I am just saying what would or would not work for me. I am an individual at the end of the day. And what works for one individual may not work for another. Some women may be happy with that kind of situation. I must say, I am not one of those. And I have clearly stated to my husband; If he marries another wife, I will leave him.

Rabeya: Subhanallah. But I do see your point about you being an individual. Fair enough.

Hajrah: Yes, I see your point. And besides its easier said than done. Saying : ‘A man can marry more than one wife’ in theory, is all well and good. But when it is YOUR husband, it is a different matter all together. And the subra, and strength, and Iman it takes, is not a small thing. And I truly believe for the women who manage to accept this, and live with their husbands and co-wives well, their reward is with Allah and He recognises and sees the sacrifice they have made.

Aisha: In any case. Allah knows best.

Hajra: Yes, all we can do is pray that we are doing the right thing. And leave the rest to Allah.

Aisha: Yeah. But I would kill him. If he did that. I really would.

*All Laugh*

Rabeya: Staghfirullah!

*More peals of laughter*

My views and that of my friends may be flawed. But it is from the little knowledge we have, from the little we have gleaned from our parents relationships, our friends marriages and what we have seen around us. Insha’allah, may Allah guide us all towards the righteous path. And keep us from Naar and protect us all. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong, or add to the discussion. I welcome any new knowledge, Hadiths, Ayahs.

🙂

Smooches!

‘Sup Peeps

Sorry about the current lack of posts. I’m on HOLIDAAAAAY. Again. LOL.

And sure, you would thiiink that meant that I had more time to churn out great posts.

But peeps, as much as I love you, im too busy partayyying. Woot WOOOOT!

However, you can be sure that I have now gathered enough material to bore you silly with many posts of my holiday shenanigans.

If you’re nice, there may even be some pictures in it for you 🙂

Muchos Love,

QQ

Muslim Women Stand Up!

I have worn Hijab all my life.

Well. Not ALL my life 🙂

I started wearing it for fun when I was 10 or 11.

I admired how it looked on my mother, my aunties, my older cousins.

In the same way a little girl wants to put on make – up and high heels, because she cannot wait to be all grown up and dress like her mother or big sister.

I also wanted to wear Hijab sooo badly.

In fact I used to steal my mother’s Hijabs. And wear them in my room, looking at the mirror and making cute faces. 🙂

My mother would tell me not to wear it because I was still too young. In fact, many times, she would make me go back to my room to take off the stolen Hijab or abaya (Islamic outer dress) I would stomp off to my room muttering in disgust. Lol. Other times, she would just shake her head and indulge me.

I have loved Hijab for as long as I can remember.

I love how beautiful it is.

How the woman just shines with …an inner glow of …righteousness. Noor.

Headscarves can be black. Or white. Or multi-coloured. They can be little triangles, or strips of long cloth, or even massive swathes of fabric. Cotton, or silk, or satin. Polka dots, leopard print, plain black.

They can be called: Shela, Ilhaaf, Duppata, Scarf, Hijab, Voile.

So many names. So many varieties.

All with the same message.

I.

Am.

A.

Muslim.

Woman.

I have ALWAYS been proud to be a Muslim woman.

Even post 9-11. Or 7-7. I kept my Hijab on.

1 week post 7-7, in London, I walked with my Hijab-covered head held high.

And so did many other women.

Every day, we put on a little triangle or square piece of cloth on our heads, and head out into the world.

To do Jihad.

Jihad-un-nafs.

Jihad in Islam means to fight, yes. But not necessarily to fight with another person.

The battle between you and your conscience is also Jihad.

In fact, it is the biggest jihad. The toughest jihad. A Jihad that we  have to do every day.

For Muslim women, one of the biggest Jihad is, the Jihad of the Headscarf.

We ignore the looks.

And the sneers.

And the cold shoulders.

The people on the bus who will not sit next to you.

The extra security checks on flights.

The co-workers, and class mates who keep away from you. Who exclude you from events/friend groups because they fear you and do not understand you.

The shuffling in an elevator, as people try to keep as physically distant from you as possible.

The sympathetic looks from kind old ladies.

Somehow, those sting more than the evil stares.

Please, dear world.

I am not oppressed.

I am Hijabi. And Proud.

This little piece of cloth on my head.

It means I serve my God.

It means I preserve my chastity.

It means I value myself. I am worth more than my looks.

It means my religion considers my intellect and personality worthy. More valuable than transient beauty.

It means I am proud.

Proud to be Muslim.

So this post is dedicated to all the Hijab wearing Jihadists out there.

Every day, you walk out of your house, and face the world with your shoulders back, and your stride purposeful.

Allah sees you.

I see you.

MashAllah.

Muslim Women.

Stand UP!

Holidaaaaay Fever

Apologies.

I have been on holiday.

Hence my blogging has been neglected.

Rest assured though, many interesting posts are coming your way. Yes, yes, I know, you have all been waiting with bated breath. Lol.

At the moment, I’m in transit in Singapore. They actually have a good airport. Well. The free internet service part helps. Other than that, the male singaporean airport staff in tight trousers …meh.

I have so much to say…so little time…

Hot guys I met on the plane, hot australians I met on the beach, motorcycles and guns….

Stay tuned.

😉

Stop Looking Up My Skirt!!!

Really now.

STOP LOOKING UP MY SKIIIIIRT!!!

Ok, not really. LOL.

You see, as a Muslim girl, we wear extra layers of clothing: A hijab (headscarf), long sleeves, baggy trousers, voluminous top/dress. Sometimes we may even throw on an abaya (outer Islamic female covering) Basically, according to Islamic law, only a woman’s face and hands should be visible. Most of us have covered our heads since we were around 11/12 years old. Basically all our adult lives. Without it, we would and DO feel nekkid.

So every time you ask me HOW MY HAIR LOOKS LIKE underneath my scarf, that’s the equivalent of you asking me WHAT COLOUR MY PANTIES ARE?!! or WHETHER YOU CAN LOOK UP MY SKIRT!

Seriously.

I have heard it SOOO many times.

‘What does your hair look like?’

‘How long is your hair?’

‘What colour is your hair?’

Oh FOR HEAVENS SAKE!!!

Its. None. Of. Your. Business.

What I choose to cover up is suuuuually (surely) my business and mine alone.

What difference does it make if my hair is long/short/black/blonde – you aren’t going to see it. Period. Deal with it.

But its difficult for people to deal with it. In a society where we judge others by appearances, people feel short-changed when they do not have enough ammunition to judge. It’s like you have effectively blindfolded them. And you are forcing them to accept you as an unknown entity. They don’t know if you are :

  • skinny?   *she is too thin! Must be anorexic!*
  • Or curvy? *She is waaay too fat. Gosh. Does she diet/exercise?*
  • If you have straight hair? *She probably straightens her hair chemically*
  • Curly hair? *Hmm, does she have African genes?*
  • Short hair? * Is she a Lesbian?*
  • Long hair? *She probably, almost definitely has extensions!!*
  • Or coloured hair? *She can afford a to re-do her roots every two weeks in this economy, must be raking it in!*
  • etc etc etc

So hey, when someone asks me what I have underneath my headscarf, my response varies depending on the lunar cycle. I may be blonde and short-cropped one day, while the next day I may shout : ‘Purple dreads!’

Eventually they stop asking. They have to get to know me to make an opinion. And inevitably they realize …emm…it really doesn’t matter what my hair looks like.

I’m crazy anyway. LOL.

Hijab is beautiful.

Happy Ashura Day y’all (16th Dec)

xo

Melancholy

Sometimes I feel like I’m the lone pilot in an empty sky. Flying aimlessly, listlessly towards space.

I battle with a melancholic nature. I don’t remember always being like this. I just woke up one day and realized there was always a grey tinge to every aspect of my life. Like a silver lining, but without the happy ending.

Such things are not discussed openly. Depression, and her deputy Loneliness are just not dinner conversation. Not even pillow talk, or ‘girl speak’. Its a topic that is still hush hush.

Most people, especially in more traditional communities – African, Arab, Indian – do not believe depression exists. Lol. They do not even have a word for it in their respective languages. It’s just well, ‘feeling moody,’ or ‘hormones’ Basically a transient feeling that will pass after Mummy dearest makes you you’re favorite soup.

Moreover, accepting that it exists, makes you’re loved ones feel resentful-is their love not good enough to keep you happy? Why are you not talking to them? Why are you closing yourself off?

Big up to 3CB who brought the issue to light by bravely highlighting her struggle with depression.

I am not depressed…at the moment.

I cannot however shake off this feeling that something grey, forboding, and evil lurks around every corner. I see darkness and shadows behind every smile, every sunny day.

Before I reach terrified for the happy pills, I want to question it. Interrogate these dark feelings until they have emptied their pockets of hidden agendas and evil machinations.

Am I feeling unfulfilled? Is my melancholy temporal ( a ‘bad’ time in my life) ? Psychological ? Genetic? Cultural? Astrological? Artistic? Evolutionary? Karmic? Hormonal? Dietary? Seasonal? Environmental?

Eeeek! So many factors contribute towards the complicated mesh that is the human psyche.

But I have decided to be a student of my own grey, lobulated mind.

Eat healthily. Go organic. Exercise. Take up a new hobby. Meet people. Pray. Pray and Pray. Meditate.

Maybe I’m slowly going loco.

Or maybe I’m just homesick…

Peace 🙂

Life, you just climb on the beast and ride it

Heartfelt

Image by sniffles via Flickr

A Beautiful struggle

Heartfelt aches and tugs at my consciousness

Please let it be a beautiful day tomorrow

I can’t stand any more grey clouds

I’ve dropped my basket

And cannot pick it up

Like sand through the hourglass

Life is a funny place. Clowns, purple orchids, one armed bandits….

Do you ever wake up and think, ‘what AM I doing’? ; Even though you’re exactly where you should be, doing exactly what you’re supposed to be doing.

I do.

I’m beginning to feel the wind of restlessness rustling the cobwebs of my stagnant dreams.

I feel old.

My 24 years lay extremely weightily on my already heavily laden shoulders.

I wish I could speed up my life to the key ‘chemotic’ (emotion filled-chemical explosive moments-yes I made that word up) moments, yet at the same time, I want to remember each mundane detail of my life as it ticks painfully past.

I mourn the moments I could have had; the feelings I won’t get to experience; the mountains I might not get around to climbing. Maybe this is the precise moment youthful dreams and adult reasoning collide. Emmm, it sucks.

Can I please go back to seriously believing that I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to? That I will DEFINITELY accomplish my not-yet-written-out bucket list. That I will CONQUER THE WORLD!!!! 🙂

I hate this weighty feeling that has made a nest in my chest. It has made itself comfortable, assembled twigs and kindling, and moved in. It’s a feeling of being mightily old. And it keeps track of time, second by painful second, until I’m sure a part of me will go ‘cuckoo!’ when the clock strikes ‘dead’.

Let’s make the most of the time we have people, because let’s face it, it’s not really all that long.

Peace.

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